surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness
dear lord embrace me with your blessings


Saturday, October 30, 2010

Was it an ego?

Tonight by YUI; my ringtone crooned. 6.15pm when mum called and she was about to give a surprise visit! She was already in Seremban. It was a good thing I didn’t buy dinner by instinct. 8.15pm I got down and the 1st thing I remembered was her warm embrace. ‘Mum I missed you’ I whispered into her ears. Hopped into the car and off we go to where?

Look Out Point Restaurant, Jalan Ampang-Hulu Langat

The place was formerly consist of Kompleks Pelancongan Menara Tinjau, but now it has been developed into foodcourts where you can observe fascinating outlook. Approximately 100 little stepping stairs, but I bet it worth the climb and we could view the city scenery from up here.

So we talked over dinner

I know mum won’t be reading this. Aware of that I still want to write.
Nobody says being the 5th out of 6 is easy. Deep down, one side of me wishes mum would see me as a young lady whilst another side still wants mum to treat me like a little girl. Should it really be only one way or another? Does it sort me being egoistic if I wanted it to be both?
Mum on the other hand I bet only sees me as her baby girl and I don’t know what it would take to break that spell. She always wanted me to be independent, at the same time she doesn’t want to. I really didn’t mean to be selfish. So maybe I best not to decide.

Maybe it’s true that mum knows best

Thanks for coming mum
Forgive me for being such a troublesome daughter
And I love you.

Ps: I don’t own the pics
Pss: Oh don’t worry; Mum wasn’t driving alone back to Johor

Friday, October 29, 2010

Pics and I'll elucidate a lil

Called mum recently and she claimed Anas just recovered from fever. He has started talking! Oww! Your autie here here missed you so~

Anas has turned into a handsome little boy

Just checked out my sis's latest pic on facebook. And she'sslimmerasalwaysshutup!

Legs I'm dying to have

An integumental protuberance has developed at the lateral 2 inches to the relation of glabella. *sigh* luckily just one; typical exam follow-up symptom.

Erk.. I said to the relation of glabella

As I quote Syera said
"For instances, eating choki-choki early in the morning can make you happy"

Latest madness of Al-Razians
Ps: All the best for exam people. May Allah ease.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Ash Like Snow

How do you like my new background song? If you’re a fan of the anime, Gundam I bet you’ve heard this song by The Brilliant Green before. Released in 2007, it’s the 2nd opening theme song of Mobile Suit Gundam 00 anime. It has been so long since me last stuffing my auditory canal with rock genre. The brilliant Green is a Jpop band initially consisting 3 members (currently 2; Tomoko Kawase and Shunsaku Okuda who announced their marriage in 2003) under Warner Music Group Japan. Anyways, to talk about the song, I love it!

Starting from the onset of the electric guitar jamming intro, it spreads a pretty strong tantalizing rhythm (at least to me who’ve been listening to YUI for long). Nothing so extraordinary about its verse, but wait until the chorus comes;

Omoi wa sekibaku no yozora ni
Maiagari kudaketa
Kono sekai ga katachi wo kaeru tabi ni
Mamoritai mono wo
Kowashite shimatteitan da

My hopes were alone in the desolate night sky
They soared high until they were crushed
Each time the world changes shape
The things I want to protect
I end up breaking them

Tatoeba hikari ga kieusete
Kono hoshi ga ochite mo
Wasurenai yo
Sono chiisana negai ga
Aru beki basho eto michibiku

Even if the light is extinguished
Even if this earth disintegrates
I won’t ever forget
That tiny wish
It will guide us to our ideal place

It sounds too mysterious that I can’t help but craving to listen to it over and over again. Mixing up of instruments and melody, the cadence got my eardrum addicted. So here comes the bridge;

There I come for you yeah
Ash like snow
Is falling down from your sky

The indented voice of Tomoko Kawase to the background

Ash like snow
Ash like snow
Ash like snow
Let me hear…
Why I have to fight?

I don’t know why detailing the voice reminds me of Hayley Williams from the Paramore.

From left; Ryo Matsui (former member), Tomoko Kuwase, Shunsaku Okuda

Ps: might put on this track for some time
Pss: Is it just me? Or the English presentation really gives extra chill down the spine?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

My baby candle

Little baby candle
Feel like writing about you
This piece might never surpass ‘Life’s brief candle’
But just one slice of an impromptu

My little baby candle
Sitting silently at the corner of a little liberty
The atmosphere is shadowy
But a little reflection of my baby candle on a marble piece

The flame stirs like a spinning ballerina
Too gracefully
Of mock breeze and little plummet waterdrop
Once in a while I glance
It makes me feel like home

Though I know the moment will soon end
Dear petite flame will fade
This little liberty too won’t let me hold long
But an unspoken longing numbness wrapped me
All because of my little baby candle
All because of routined luminosity is broken

~when my peotic side took control~
~particularly when mind is overwhelmed by assignments!~

Thou wilt hast…

It started with
You don’t know and he doesn’t know
You don’t know that he doesn’t know
And he doesn’t know that you don’t know

And the time comes to
When you know and he still doesn’t know
He really doesn’t know?
You wonder too if there’ll be time when he knows and you don’t know instead

So you know that he doesn’t know
And you know that he doesn’t know that he doesn’t know too
He really doesn’t know?

What should you do to make him knows?
What should you do to make him knows that you know?
What should you do to make him knows that you want him to know?
What if he knows and you don’t know that he knows?
What should you do to know if he knows?

Ok, so he knows
And you know that he knows
It’s going to be hard if he doesn’t know that you know that he knows
But it’s harder when he knows that you know that he knows
Just as harder as when you know that he knows that you know
Either way

(becoming old-fashioned) a person, male or female, whose sex is not stated or known, especially when referring to sb mentioned earlier or to a group in general:
Every child needs to know that he is loved.
(saying) He who (= anyone who)
hesitates is lost

(Oxford Advenced Learner’s Dictionary, 7th edition)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Aiman dearie~

Firstly to anyone at all, Aiman is a girl! Noor Aiman Mohd Noor.

Mann~ thanks a lot for the post specially dedicated to me, so happy and feel like crying already \(^_^)/
Maybe I’m just too stressed out that I blurted that question, and true it has been so long I wished I could ask you. You seemed so much a happy-go-lucky girl that I often envy.

You made me flash back the memory lane too.

The truth is lately…
I might be a bit too out of pace,
I might be enthusiastically-degraded,
I might lost a large portion of my crucial self-motivation,
I might turned too emotional,
I might hev forgetten how to be happy,

But realizing another friend of mine is happy struggling her medical student life, I can’t help but to be strong. Not to mention having her said she loves me (I love you too Mann~!)

I’m trying hard to figure out who I really am,
And if you’re going to try harder to figure me out,
Then I think I’m going to cry now
(Hey I always thought of myself as dark and mysterious) LOL

I once used to be so optimist, when I was little
So guess I'll try to be one again

Thanks a lot again,

dear Aiman
Zwen loves you soooo too!
~double the pic, double the love~

Ps: THAT question pn mmg nk tnye gk actually.. hehe

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Waiting is tiring
Some things get sweeter after the waits
Some might even get bitter
We waited a lot of things in life
Just make sure whatever it is, it worth the wait…

For instances, it's a torment to wait for an-hour-class to end so you could sleep after…

Ps: Ethnic relation presentation is over, to all Kelantanese my apology if I violated your language. Oh~ tongue-twisted learning Sarawakian and Kelantanese slangs overnight.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


Sometimes I wanted to destroy the moment
And sometimes I wanted to cling onto the moment

It’s something that I don’t understand myself

Of course I can’t do it over, the past
Even if I try to hide in an unfamiliar town
All I could do is just thinking about the present going on outside my window

I wanted to run away from all these hassles
But before I could, my excuses get in the way

If I follow my shattered memories
I know I can even go back to that time someday
So innocent like a little boy

I was born to make my dreams come true
I need to live up to the world I imagined as a child
I'm a baby that I wanted to cry
But the pain it takes to get it feels so good

If life is a battle
Then we can’t help whether we’ll win or lose
I know to that very least

My heart is pounding out of control from running towards tomorrow
My heart is pounding hard from the shock that made me want to cry

I wanted to live a straight life
I just wanted to live a straight life
So innocent back then like a little boy

I was born to make my dreams come true
I need to live up to the world I imagined as a child
I'm a baby that I wanted to cry
But the pain it takes to get it feels so good

I don’t want to stumble over someone else’s words
I don’t want to be led astray…

So tomorrow too will surely shine
It doesn’t matter if I can’t go back to my childhood days
The truth is, I’m scared of tomorrow’s way of my life
But I’m standing here, in the path where I can’t turn back

I was born to make my dreams come true
I need to live up to the world I imagined as a child
I'm a baby but I don’t want to cry anymore
Since the pain it takes to get it feels so good

~Tomorrow's Way by YUI~

~I had long coveted happiness~
~It’s what the Tomorrow’s Way rendition holds for me~
~There’s something out there that’s worth fighting for~

The number is 2

The number is 2 to be exact;
Didi: Wanie maen netball ke?? Isk tak caye la, tak dapat bayangkan Wanie maen netball camne.
Tirah: Eh Wanie maen netball? Yeke? Tak la, Wanie kan nampak sopan je slalu.

These were the face-to-face reported feedback. The indirect ones, monologue, silent reactions are excluded.

Did I look too graceful in heels that they can’t imagine me in sports attire? LOL. Don’t worry guys, I’m not offended.

I haven’t played for ages, but hey netball is in my blood. I’ve been exposed to the ‘hoh!’s and ‘hah!’s of the players asking for ball passes on the netball court since I was 5. Oh did I forget to tell you? My mum was a netball coach for more than 20 years. She officially stopped training players since 8 years ago when she was promoted to be the Senior Assistant of student affairs. Started since her first posting in SMK Tun Hussein Onn, Kluang (she was 23), but wait! Maybe earlier; started since she was doing her teaching practical in Sultan Abu Bakar Girl School Muar. So I used to follow mum coaching on weekends when I was little. Played seriously during primary and played for fun during secondary.

Yeah mum’s a teacher. Major in PE (Physical Education to those who don’t know), minor in Malay Language. She’d played almost all sports during her student days including swimming! One time when I was cleaning an old photo album, I saw a small-cut newspaper article of young ladies playing national netball tournament and one of them was my mum, with a thigh-length skirt! Whoa mum, you rock!

Back to the issue, personally despite me hopping around in heels, putting on makeup, get all dressed so-called G.L.A.M-ly, ‘utilizing’ such and such beauty products, I do get down and dirty at times. I love sweating so much that I wish I could marry sweating. Probably this got something to do with having a little brother. He’s younger by 3 years and having no one clashing holidays with his but me, made me his favorite. Be it wrestling fella, silat-ing partner, rounders catch-ball, I’m always his favorite. There was one time when he brought home his own rugby ball and then started to teach me how to do the hurl ball! Oh well, no matter how big he grew, he’ll always be my baby brother.

Me and Didin

So off to Nilai tomorrow at 6.30! Yep so early in the morning. A team of netball, along with 2 teams of futsal and a team of football.

That’s right, saya akan jadi gadis berjersi no 3 esok.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


It’s not a déjà vu

It’s not a rendezvous

It’s just a plain coincidence
Yume janaku
Machiawase mo ja nai shi
Tada guuzen da yo...

Monday, October 11, 2010

Her name is Y

So everyone, meet my friend;

Her name is Y; the 25th alphabet Y.

She’s her and wishes people would understand…
She has her own worries, she has her own happiness…
She never asks for more but to be let happy in her own small world…

Unfortunately she doesn’t really aware the happiness that she wishes is not controlled solely by her…
Instead people around her…

Until one day…

Something that always makes her happy no longer does so…
Because someone who coincidentally shares the same circumstance, doesn’t feel the same…
And she cried…

So they’ll say ‘Why is she crying? It was just a small thing’

What if? What if that small thing is what makes her happy?
And so Y kept crying…

If you were Y, how would you feel?

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Long one

I might not be the right person to feel relief the most at this moment, but I did somehow. It was the 3S Campaign; stands for Salam, Senyum, Sapa. Since I'm not the director, but being one of the committee members as well as participant for some activities, I can't help but to express my overflowing gratitude right now; or not, feel like I could literally die drowning in this emotion!

Ah~ In short just let me blabber a little on behalf of Miss Director.

Picking up here and there of what our
1. Medical Student Club president has said
2. Medical Student Club advisor has said
3. Campaign director has said
4. Participants criticized
5. Audience commented
6. Seniors has posted on blogs
The feedback is beyond expectation. Being the housemate of this Miss Director wasn't easy, I heard she said "too worry how the responses going to be" all the time. But Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly happening!

I personally long this kind of sentiment where me and everyone else around are enjoying ourselves.

To the committe members~ congrats for the splendid event

To the multimedia unit~ congrats for the attention-grabbing multimedia presentation. You guys rock!!

Girls~ congrats for winning the Choral speaking Competition


In action

Guys~ congrats for winning the Dikir Bersalam Competition

Free style

In action

Everyone~ congrats for all the effort decorating our Al-Razi lecture hall that it turned The Most Beautiful Lecture Hall

Sis Addie~ congrats your pic that I sent for The Most Charming Smile Photo Contest won the 1st place. Can take a look at the pic here

Balqis~ congrats for the 2nd place in Poster Drawing Competition

Not to forgotten Ayat~ congrats for being the judge's favourite for Busana Muslim

To Al-Razians who took care of the booth on the 10th floor, thanks for the hard work

Ps: Didi, Dibah, Lel, Radhi, Anie (and some names I'm unable to mention)~ thanks for your never-ending hug consoling me after I screwed some part of my runway. Being the runner-up is indeed unexpected!

Pss: To our conductor, man~ seriously ni first time kite tgk conductor bercakap =D

Friday, October 8, 2010

Short one

1. The lecture hall is filled with too many balloons that I feel like wanna puke alraedy! Uhhh!
(no offense)

2. The last minute cancellation; I'm no longer the judge for Choral Speaking tomorrow. If I know this would happen, I would have been the conductor myself!
(hampir2 nak menangis time class histo tadi)

3. Haven't prepared the text for tomorrow's Choral Speaking Competition MC.

4. Off to the unofficial runaway rehearsal.

There.. some short notice..

Ps: This is going to be a loooong night~

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Unnecessary stress

Ever feel when
you're talking more than you usually do?
you're laughing twice as hard purposely for no concrete reason?
you're eliciting a tone or two higher than you habitually make?

What for?
To impress a particular someone?
To be labelled you're trying hard?
To get approval from public that you're actually alive?

I'm tired of all these unnecessary stress
Let me get over it already
And let me be my very own me...

Saturday, October 2, 2010


What’s with Osaka? I wish I know.
Finding myself a bit adoring stuff from this west part of Japan. I wonder why.

-Is it because Kanjani 8 is from Osaka?

-Specifically Nishikido Ryo is from Osaka and speaks thick Kansai-ben? (Well not so thick as other Kanjani 8 members LOL)

-The young Johnny’s Entertainment star, Nakayama Yuma is from Osaka?

-Aoyama Thelma, the African-Japanese J-pop singer who’s popular with the song ‘Mamoritai mono’ is born in Osaka (recently feated TaeYang for the song ‘Fall in Love’)?

-Kato Shigeaki from NEWS was once lived in Osaka before moved in to Tokyo (followed his parents)?

-Kinki Kids, one of Johnny’s Entertainment artists whose singles are often attained top on Oricon chart, is Osaka original?

-Ayaka, the J-pop singer who married Mizushima Hiro (starred as Nanba-senpai in Hanakimi) is from Osaka before she moved to Tokyo? (Rumor said they both are going to move back to Osaka).

-Koda Kumi, the singer who started the ero-kakkoi style trend in Japan is from Osaka?

-Bennie K the R&B oriented duet J-pop singer; sing the song Monochrome for Binbo Danshi OST is also from Osaka?

-Since Leah Dizon the French-American Chinese-Filipino chick who shines in Japan (even debuted in Japan) claimed that she likes Kansai-ben when she was the guest on Kanjani 8’s talk show?

-Sen no Rikyuu the founder, considered the Ever Great Tea Master in Japanese Tea Ceremony history was an Osaka-origin?

Well, personally I love Kansai-ben too (Kansai-ben is just another name for Osaka-ben. Ben is referred to dialect; Tokyo-ben, Hakada-ben etc). Tokyo-ben is considered the standard Japanese dialect.

It sounds interesting and fun to listen to. Also indirectly the reason why most Japansese comedians come from Osaka.

For instances;

To say 'I like you' or 'I like this'
Tokyo-ben: 'suki!'
Kansai-ben: 'sukiyan!' or 'sukiyanen!'

To say 'why?'
Tokyo-ben: 'nande?' or 'naze?'
Kansai-ben: 'nandeyan' or 'nandeyanen?'

To say 'thanks for the hard work' (said after working)
Tokyo-ben: 'otsukaresamadeshita!' or 'otsukare!'
Kansai-ben: 'ookini!'

To say 'new shoes'
Tokyo-ben: 'shinnin no kutsu'
Kansai-ben: 'sara no kutsu' or 'massara no kutsu'

To say 'mother'/'father'
Tokyo-ben: 'okasan'/'otousan'
Kansai-ben: 'okan'/'ossan'
The feeling is pretty much the same when you heard Kelantanese dialect.
You'd say 'tubik doh klate dio'
Instead, for Kansai-ben.
I'd say 'His Kansai-ness is obvious!'
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