surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness
dear lord embrace me with your blessings


Sunday, March 27, 2011

For a while, I let my tears running

She was once my Math teacher
She was once my Physics teacher
I might don’t have much memory on her. But still I have some…

She was among the pioneer teachers when the school first opened back in 2003. She caught my attention so much that induced the innocent side of me asking
“Cikgu, cikgu ada darah kacukan ke?”
She smiled, chuckled a bit, and told me
“Eh, takde lah”

I was 13, she was in my class teaching Math while I’ve got this non-academical book opened on my table. So she came, picked up the book, turned it page by page, and said
“Bagus buku ni, tapi jangan la baca masa dalam kelas, after class nanti takpe”

If I’m not mistaken, she has a 2 or 3-year-old baby when I left school in 2007. She was diagnosed to have stage 4 lungs cancer since last December. After quite a long suffer, it ended at 11.20pm last night.

May the family be strong. Innalillah…

I attached post made by my old colleague, Intan Siti Zulaikha here; Tributes to Cikgu Nawiah

O Allah, may she be at the best place.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

The innocent and the pretender

One is innocent and another pretends to.
Not innocent not necessarily is guilty.
Just another circumctance one being less naïve

Going decent is something preferable, no?
That should be attention-grabbing.
Who won’t be curious what will happen?
Which will predominate which that’s the question.
Shall we just let the time tell?
My oh my, this should be one in a million.

Ps: tributes to the so-called ‘consultant’ =P
Pss: to whom it may concern, please don’t drop your comment, so you’ll stay anonymous

Monday, March 21, 2011

Now that you know, it's easier

I missed it
I missed the old me
The strong and independent me
The outspoken me
The extrovert me
The carefree me
The mischievous me
The spontaneous me
The ‘do now, think later’ me

Now that I’m underneath the solitary
Am I going to be alright?

Getting rid of unnecessary stuff
Environmentally, atmospherically, physically, emotionally
Let’s start fresh!

To whom it may concern 1
Ps: FST stands for Fakulti Sains dan Teknologi

To whom it may concern 2
Pss: For the testing and triggering thingy, I seriously wished you didn’t stick to your original plan. Guess it was hard to read me? There are things I wish I don’t have to say, those are the things I wish you would figure out without me telling..

I wish I don't have to tell everything

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Chain of lies

Cascade reaction, positive feedback mechanism, some cliché phenomenon when one couldn’t retsrain himself doing something; results in him can’t stop doing things in short. Controlled by hormones, or even limbic system playing roles in emotion, blaming gene proteins, to put it as a whole it’s an absolute emotion we’re dealing with.

On such phenomenon, one would

Turned the mp3 into a ‘repeat one song’ mode
Reading mangas from one page to another
Playing games levels after levels
Keep on eating despite getting full for it feels so good
Refuse to keep eyes open wishing night would go on forever
Chain of lies though it hurt so much

Even so, major distinction is the reason why one put on such attitude

Imbalance hormones or emotion
Stress and pressure
Simply being immature and ignorant
Revenge perhaps

One resulted event in genaral doesn’t necessarily caused by one basis.

Simple analogy;
Hyperthyroidism and insomnia both lead to fatigue.

Highlighting ‘fatigue’ as the event, and both ‘hyperthyroidism’ and ’insomnia’ and repective basis, to solve things, can’t simply prescribe antithyroid drugs to an insomnic or sleeping pills to a hyperthyroidic.

Different approaches are vital. For instance bacterial infection and viral infection need different prescription accordingly.

For argument sake the prescription privilege isn’t in your hand, still don’t take the diagnosis lightly.

For the subject, one got his own reason doing something; even if it appears stupid and unnecessary repeating the same thing over again, even if it makes you wonder why he keeps doing it for it cut him deep. Try to stop and stare, try to shut up and listen, try to observe and analyse. Was he doing it stubbornly or reluctantly? Somehow both ways, he needs to be saved before it’s too late.

On drugs for a week

Apart from counting down to pro exam, until just now I was calculating when the last time was I ran in temperature so badly. It was almost a year ago; I remembered my blood sample was taken 3 times in 3 consecutive days for they were afraid I might have gotten dengue, I swallowed a whole lot medication till a point where after nature passes, toilet bowl would smell drugs.

I recovered though, and what stained was within the past 11 months I refused to take even paracetamol on headache, flu, fever; had enough of them.

Until 2 weeks ago was when I thought my body was at its limit. I just finished from coping with the staying-up-preparing-debate-materials nights, along with the netball practices, hadn’t had enough sleeps and rest that strain my physical to fever, flu and cough. Even so I don’t know what made me went on with the netball practice when I should have rest instead (which gotten me worse).

And I’ve got no choice; consider it historical when I started taking those ‘drugs’ after 11 months.

My temperature went normal and by the time I played our last 3 games, the flu and cough distracted a bit but those didn’t matter so much.

What matters most was with a total of 5 wins, a draw against Tamhidi and a lost against FST, FPSK won 2nd place for inter-faculty netball league!

FST captain with trophy

me and Dib, we played the same position!

so long~ we might won't see each other until the coming SUFA

Ps: maybe I should come out with the Autumnal Rendezvous explanation post (^^)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Autumnal rendezvous

Autumnal rendezvous
Somewhere here
Of summer and winter
With best regards of fall

Loyal standing trees
Tall despite nudity of falling leaves
Loyal standing me
Still despite blowing breeze

Leaves under motion
Weary mind loosen
Watching in a distance
It was thee I see at instance

Little paradise I wish I had
Was here under the autumnal shade

Ps: me ode to thee

Pss: self-composed~

Sunday, March 6, 2011

My February 26 part 3

Inter-faculty netball league has started since a month ago, with a total of 8 teams joining; FST, FPSK, Pusat Tamhidi, FSU, FPBU, FEM, FKP (FPSK team is actually consist of medical and dental students). So far my team has had 4 matches; against FEM, FPBU, FSU and Pusat Tamhidi. And the 4th one against Pusat Tamhidi was the one I missed on February 26 for you-know-what reason.

We won for the 1st 3 games and for the one against Tamhidi we got it draw 12-12. I didn’t know what happened on court for I wasn’t there but they said it was too frustrating. Our format was a 4 quarter-play; 7-2-7-5-7-2-7. Those stand for 7 minute-play, 2 minute-break and 5 minute-half time.

We were leading for the 1st 3 plays but getting emotional for the 4th and that was when the opponent scored to draw. Injuries, psycho, stamina was all I can sum up (the reasons for such emotional match). How I wished so much I could play along (not that we’ll definitely win if I was in) experiencing the tensed moment together with the team.

Roughly leading the league is FST, ranked 1st with 4 wins while FPSK and Pusat Tamhidi come 2nd with 3 wins and a draw. We’ve got 3 more games to play; 1 on next Wednesday and another 2 on Saturday the same week.

Talking about the game next Monday, we will go against the toughest team, FST. They’ve got all MASUM players in the team that’s why. Winning is a bit far but we’ll do our best. As for meeting such star, preparation is proportionally tough as well. A lot of skills to be brushed up; stamina, ball passes, strategy, shooting (not meant for me though).

My last intensive netball training was 9 years ago; I was 12 and going to the state level netball tournament.

My weaknesses are that my hands aren’t strong enough for long passes, my feet aren’t stable enough after landing jumping for a loop balls which jeopardizes my ankles, I still can’t seem to dodge perfectly setting free from opponents. Anyways, will do the best against FST and another 2 remaining games.

btw shooting wasn't my position, I play wing~

Ps: I don’t know whose idea was it, but a list of those who’d love to come as supporters for our match against FST was passed around the lecture hall (for transportation). OMG!
Pss: heels and sport shoes alternately, dear ankles please bear with it.

My February 26 part 2

So the event was inter-faculty vice chancellor cup debate; dated February 26, 27, and March 5. As mentioned I was called upon to be one of the adjudicator but clashing with the inter-medical debate I can’t be one.

Somehow I suppose god listens when I wanted to try being an adjudicator badly, so I was called for the second time. I got to be one for the quarter and semi-final round. As I thought being in the line of adju wasn’t that easy. It’s great not to have such adrenaline rush compare to if I were debating. Listening and jotting part weren’t that hard though, unfortunately looking at the adju forms that needed to be filled in; dear lord I hate math! And some more giving a win or a lose to a particular teams weren’t that piece of cake too (here’s when emo came into scene) especially when that team had previously came to you asking for some tips and advice (not that I’m worth to be asked from anyway), but thank god there was a total of 3 adjudicators for quarter and 5 for semi so others opinion counts as well. It was a great experience though!

me judging qurter-final along with Miss Jue and Kak Mar

This year’s tournament was kinda historical to all I would say. As far as I’m concern never before people from Pandah Indah campus would have a sleepover in Nilai over the weekend for the tournament; and this year they did! 3 teams for each categories; English, Malay, Arabic. As to answer why, like I said in the prologue 4 events on the February 26; so busses weren’t enough for transportation and so off they went as guest at Kolej Kediaman 1.

It’s great having 2 Arabic teams, a team of Malay and Arabic respectively had a breakthrough to the quarter-final. Unfortunately Malay team can’t make it to semi and Arabic team can’t make it for final. The English team however did!

Malay team to quarter-final from left; Manu, Faliq, Atikah, Wawa

Arabic team to quarter-final from left; Bob, Tasniim, Ihsan, Janah (not in pic)

arabic team to semi from left; Maryam, Azimuddin, Atikah

For final round English category, it was FPSK vs FPg. Motion was THBT younger generations are responsible for our future. FYI Faye and I were mentors for both teams (but I can’t get much credit though for Kak Atikah spent more time with FPSK team and FPg team went fine practicing without us).

FPSK team from left; Fikri, Apan, Yan

FPg team from left; Siti Aminah, Syafiqah, Timah

the after final girl circle

me with the team

There were 9 adjus for final round and it was a split 5-2 winning for FPg. Congrates guys!

As for FPSK team, congrates to you guys too for having gone to the final round on your first attempt!
Ps: congrates to all teams!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

My February 26 part 1

A week has passed, and I’m still on my February 26 piece.

Time to talk about this pic~

Like I said, this isn’t a popliteal fossa sketch and the hint was BP

It’s a motion room for British Parliamentary-style debate (BP) for our recent inter-medical debate in UM.

OG- opening government
CG- closing government
OO- opening opposition
CO- closing opposition
S- speaker
J- adjudicator

For BP format, 4 teams will debate on the same motion; 2 government and opposition teams (opening and closing). Debaters are no longer 3 per team instead it’s 2. Like always, government proposes motion, opposition opposes, but what more interesting is that respective opening and closing teams were never to be quarantined together beforehand. So it’s nothing different than having 4 totally different teams debating. One more thing, instead of given 30 minutes for quarantine like in royals, this time around we only have 15 minutes to prepare points. Some more, speech time is cut to 5 minutes per speaker unlike 7 minutes in normal parliamentary debate.

It was a total of 3 preliminary rounds and 4 highest scoring teams will break to the final.

Motions were;

Round 1: THBT medical practice has lost its lustre
Round 2: THBT doctors working in non-medical fields is a waste
Round 3: THBT traditional Chinese medicine should be a part of modern medical practice

We drew our position and out of luck for 3 rounds, 3 times in a row being closing opposition. For each opening teams, 1st speaker holds the role of prime minister and opposition leader respectively while the respective 2nd speaker holds role as deputy prime minister and deputy opposition leader. For closing teams, 1st speaker for both gov and opp will play the same role as deputy PM and deputy opp while the respective 2nd speakers for both closing government and opposition will stand as a whipper. Now what sucks being the closing team is that, you’ll never know if points you’ve discussed, squeezing, torturing your brain in advance are taken by the opening team. So the only solution is to think of as much points as you can so you won’t talk about the same ones.

We were ranked first for the 1st and 3rd round and ranked 4th for the 2nd round. But still our overall marks qualified us to the final. The motion is TH should make available all health supplements by prescription only. And guess what, we were the closing opposition for the 4th time!

in black was me, Kak Atikah in red

Anyhow I am so grateful having my senpai, Kak Atikah with me. She helped me a lot with my points and elaborations. And as I mentioned, we got the 3rd place after IMU and UM. 4th place is UKM.

As to wrap up the day, during the prize giving ceremony, they gave away lot of goodies for lucky drawers! As far as I’m concern, I’m never that lucky for this bit. But hey I got one!

(some random pic, since no one capture me while I was on stage) Jedo was lucky enough to get one too.

Ps: how am I supposed to join inter-medical debate next year if Kak Atikah isn’t around? T_T
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