surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness
dear lord embrace me with your blessings


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Counting on the new begining upon the ending

 I'm sure everyone has watched this osem video called 'bulatan gumbira kami di bumi sonata'. Well if you haven't, then you definitely need to. Click here.

Amidst the busy life, it's great to know there are always people around you to share that hectic life with, the ones who can unconditionally keep on reminding you to be close to Allah without fail.

Now I choose to post this on blog to make things easier. I know most of you out there won't get it, but that's okay. I'll try to get to the whole picture once things has gone cycling down from its climax hill. I hope it won't take too long :)

To whom it may concern

I've got a few things in mind and decided to narrow them down into these 2 stuff. I'm not quite sure if it costs more than expected, and if it does...

But I want either one so much!

1) scarves hanger


2) blue bangles

I can't tell which one I want more, it's just that I think I really want the bangles ~huuuuu~

But I want the scarves hanger too~
But the bangles are blue~
But maybe I really want the bangles. Hehe


Ps: *you may claim some dough from me later ^^

Friday, December 23, 2011

Lip balm, Lip gloss, Lipstick and Red Velvet

I decided to get myself first facial cleanser when I was 13; went to a boarding school and everyone pretty much owns one. Being naive I thought 'oh this is the first step to graduate childhood'.

I first learn about cosmetics when I was 14. Then was when I first got my compact powder and lip balm from mum's AVON catalog.

My first lip balm was of cherry flavor from by AVON. With an on and off discipline, the whole stick lasted for 3 years.

I started putting on balm regularly when I was 17. My second lip balm was Vaseline petroleum jelly natural balm by Unilever. Then I upgraded my collection when Sis Addie gave me her pinky glitter lip gloss by Bloopers.

When I was 18, my sis took her Bloopers back and I gotten myself the third lip balm; lip ice of lemon flavor by Mentholatum. Then I bartered my Vaseline with my sis' vitamin E balm by Body Shop.

Not long after, I added my collection with water shine lip gloss of peach flavor by Elianto. That was my favorite for a while before I left it in one of the restroom at Mid Valley Megamall when I was 19.

The same year when my lemon lip ice was finished, I bought glitters lip gloss of orange flavor by Maybelline.

At the age of 20, currently am using the one from Body Shop and Maybelline.

But when I said I lost the Body Shop balm on my bed, I think you can imagine how my bed looked like.

After considering to get myself a brand new balm, just recently i found the I-thought-was-lost-balm in my cupboard. having said this, I think you can imagine how my cupboard looked like.

Some people just don't get it why women need balm or gloss separately with their lipsticks. Well simply, balm is mainly to protect the lips. Lip gloss lives up to the name, it glosses the lips. And lipstick, usually is matched with makeup themes. I do have some lipsticks, but note that I won't be wearing them to classes as I tried my best to stay sweet and simple in campus.  it makes me look old relative to my friends.

Talking about old, in less than half an hour I'll turn 21! And guess what, today I decided to have the.....


The Red Velvet cupcakes

Since all the girls are gonna be busy with 'the wedding' tomorrow (bunyi macam sume orang nak kawen :P), so I decided to throw a lil party a day prior. Just my very own way to wish everyone's birthday whom I missed through out the years ^^

Ps: Aiman, thanks for the post :D
Pss: sangat tak sabar nak attend Zuhairah's wedding! :D
Psss: mungkin takde kaitan pun gloss dengan cupcakes ni

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Was it a dream?

When was the last time you woke up in the morning with dizzy head, feel like throwing up and you can’t remember what happened the night before? Or the question is, have you ever?

I think I experienced that this morning. I opened up my eyes in a dark room still, dark skies still, and little that I was aware about what happened last night. With throbbing headache and nausea (okay this part was made up), it felt pretty much like a hangover. It took me quite a while to figure things out. And bit by bit, some vague images flooded my mind. Was it a dream? But surely dream can’t be, can’t feel as real as this.

I was in the car. Was I alone? Nope, we were in the car. Someone was driving. Who else were with me? I hardly remember. The GPS was on as such we weren’t very sure where we were going. I remember someone said ’just imagine if this GPS sounds like Jannah, you’ll surely feel like throwing this out the window’. Jannah? Nope she wasn’t there. But then only I learnt I was actually hanging out with my classmates. We laughed a lot; people in the car were telling stories to kill the boredom. Or rather that was mainly to console hearts because we thought we won’t make it to the destination on time. Where were we heading actually? But yes, we were really in a rush.

The night was still young, and so were we; continued chilling at the backseat before we managed to reach the place. Oh, now I remember. We were going to some place; a place to eat. We had got it planned before and now we are there. It was a quarter before 10 and we barely made it. What kind of place was it? It got appetizer, main course, dessert and everything else. It was a buffet course. We went to the receptionist, showed our student cards for a discount and off to the table.

So that was what happened. I went for a late dinner last night. But why am I feeling like my stomach is about to blown off? There must be something more than that.

 As I was sitting, more and more plates were placed on the table. How many plates were there? More than 10 and I don’t lie. I wonder why there was too much food on the table; and that was actually because there were a total 6 of us. Salad, mushroom, fruits, seafood, ice cream, drinks, meat, meat, meat, meat,meat and meat, and more plates of meat. Wait, no rice? These are all protein and no carbs? Okay, now I know why we went here. We were here for barbeque. And thus we started grilling. Chicken, beef, lamb, prawn, crab, squid alternately.

One word; ‘YUMMY!’

Wait! Now I think I can remember something. I put some of the meat in my ice cream serving dish, in between the grilling plate, inside the soup bowl. Tissue paper, we needed a lot of tissue paper. Instead of wrapping all the meats with salad like in those Korean dramas, we wrapped them inside a tissue paper?

Okay, now I know why it turned out that bad. I learnt later that we took too much of those servings. Since we weren’t allow for take aways taken portions as well as we might be charged with those foods we’re unable to finish (by every gram!), so we decided to cheat and started scattering those meats anywhere hidden we could think of. Despite having a CCTV implanted right top corner next to us, we were implying all surviving skills buried within ourselves.

So this wasn’t a dream.

My watch read half an hour before midnight and plus, we were the last customer to leave the outlet, while the workers were cleaning dishes in the kitchen, started sweeping the floor and rearranging the utensils back on the table. I have to say; perhaps we were so close to being chased out of a restaurant that night.

And each and every one of us walked out of that place gotten high by proteins with respective resolution and morale of the story.

I’m pretty positive I’ll be allergy on meats for months

And most important of all that we have in common;

…..for this record.

Ps: Intan, Fatin, Radhiah, Azreen, Hawa
Pss: real pics can’t be disclosed to prevent personal rights violation

Monday, December 12, 2011

Baked to the core like a cookie!

I don’t lie when I say I puffed and wiped dust on my laptop this morning before updating the blog. At least my blog isn’t that dusty for I could always post entry from my iPod. But the laptop, yes I haven’t touched it for the whole week! Being busy I would say, but truthfully it’s because in front of laptop=watching Jdramas. Keep reading and I shall reveal you some reasons why I need to slow down watching Jdramas later.

But no joke that I’ve been running out of pace a bit for these past few weeks. I mean no doubt everyone is but yeah, maybe that just tells I’m so bad in time management.

Since I haven’t been able to keep you guys up with updates for quite sometime, I might just post one long entry today.

A lot have been going on around FPSK, the faculty, my class itself, and everything else around me outside campus; for instance our FPSK very first batch graduation last week. It’s a week late but I still wanted to congratulate my 29 super seniors. After 6 years of med school, hurrah! You guys are HOs now! ^^
I was there in PICC during the convocation, as one of the volunteers at FPSK booth. You don’t know how we (my friends and I) sprinted from the end of one hall to another that’s approximatelty 200 meters just to see our seniors go on stage. That moment, it’s hard to describe. Maybe inspired, moved, proud, like a lil baby sister watching her big brother becoming a star. Again, congratulation!

 pic taken from Zati’s blog. Credits to family of Pandan Indah FB

Next is SUFA (Sukan Fakulti). It just started last Saturday the December 10th, opening ceremony will be on the next Friday the December 16th and closing is on the December 24th. I played for the netball team. First thing first, it was so great ‘reuniting’ with all the players of the last USIM Inter-Faculty Netball league (can click here for the entry), practicing and get dehydrated and tanned together once again ^^

It would be too long to post every single detail here, so I’ll just summarize it for you. Along Saturday and Sunday we had 5 games including the semi-final and final (yep we went to the final!). There were easy games, the average ones, and hard ones I would say. We met FST twice; during 3rd game within group and the final. FST as always is the toughest team with abundant of MASUM players in it, so as a result my team FMeD (that’s Faculty of Medicine + Dentistry for you) came in 2nd place. But that’s okay, we were always more than happy when we managed to reach the final :D

[as always I’m WA (Wing Attack)]

[right after final]
[1st place FST (in pink), 2nd place us (in green), third is FEM (in purple)] 
try find me if you can!

Note that I avoided so much revealing my face in pics because I’ve turned real tan!
Now that I’m way baked to the core like a cookie, I only have 2 weeks to recover from this suntan!

‘Handsome men can’t be hurt by water’
-Tamaki-senpai, Ouran High school Host Club, episode 1-

‘Beautiful girls can’t be hurt by sunlight’
-Zawani Zainudin-

Anyway, what’s with another 2 weeks? Well a lot of things are coming up, especially on the December 24th.

Zuhairah’s wedding (the first in our batch!)*

And most important is

I’m turning 21! ^^

Btw initially I was supposed to go to Singapore this December 13-17 for SDO (Singapore Debate Open), but I decided not to go because I can’t afford to miss the whole week of classes when I’m just about 1 month away from our end of 5th semester exam. All the best to everyone who’s going! Especially Ainil and Fawwaz.

So this is among the reasons why I need to slow down watching Jdramas. I personally think I’ve been practicing Japanese too much that some portion of my English vocabularies has gone missing. And I decided to keep this Japanese madness on hiatus before it jeopardize my English further.

And to sum up, the reasons why I need to slow down watching Jramas are

1.      My English has turned rusty, it’s been a while since I debated
2.      I’m about 1 month away from final semester exam
3.      Simply because I’ve been busy

Ps: *seems like Aiman is the happiest among 30 of us to have ‘abang long’ :P

Pss: How did I know I missed my high heels is when I feel longing for the sensation of my quadriceps prominently contracting while walking.

-Sports, debate, events, relationship, volunteers- I’m quite an all-rounder for a medical student, except for studying.

Does that still make me a med student?

Friday, December 9, 2011

My stomach is upset, and so am I

I am damned upset when someone scolded me for something I did wrong.

But unlike other people who did it out of counter reaction and egoism, I very much directed that to myself.

Yes, I am pissed off over mistakes I did. And that wasn't and never meant for you.

But since you won't be so keen to listen when you're angry. I know you very well so I won't apologize that immediately.

I could never vent out anger to other people but myself. And bear in mind that I'll try my best not to be personal over works.

When 'tsk' came out from my tongue
or my eyes are prone to glares
or I don't feel like smiling
or I sigh loudly

and if you happened to witness this, most of the time it's just me.

ps: I won't bite your head off except over obvious reasons.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Silent as a doll

I'm not the type who is very good in expressing. I never am.

Those who would shout on someone's face when they're angry
Those who would voice out dissatisfaction
Those who would punch the sandbag to release anger
Those who would scream at the top of the lungs having something unsettled within

Neither is me. I don't express much, Or rather I don't know how to. And yes, I envy these people who get to stand for what they need to express despite being seen as emotional or hot-tempered or selfish or snobbish or arrogant.

What did I do?

I'll just keep quiet.
Yes, I'll just stay as silent as a doll.

Friday, November 25, 2011

How much would you go for?

If there’s a device that can help you increase concentration in class or work, keep you from anxiety and stress, how much would you go for?
A few thousand bucks?

If you care for someone that much, how much would you go for?
Grab the car key in the middle of the night to be by their side?

If you love someone so deep, how much would you go for?
Listen to whatever they said?

If you hate people badly, how much would you go for?
Spit straight on their face?

If you can’t stand it anymore, how much would you go for?
Runaway, regardless?

How much would you go for, in everything you do? There’s always a limitation. There’s always a rule to how you respond things. There’s always a manner to how you treat people.

To the ‘victim’, please know your right
To the ‘criminal’, please stop acting like a selfish moron

the victim?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Leave and stay as I wish


Jumping genes in bacteria, that's called transposons. Make it able to jump from one plasmid to another, or even back and forth any parts of chromosamal DNA. Thanks to transpoase they are able cleave the chain of DNA to leave or stay as they wish.

I wish I could have that enzyme, so that I can be comfortable in places I have to live in. At the moment, it pretty much feels like surviving and barely able to be called life. I wish I could have that enzyme to lyse the wall of awkwardness, to fit in beautifully within the environment and blend in well with all its organelles without paying much attention to adaption.

Despite having life mine as a whole, I always had them separated into fragments. Like life in med school, life outside med school, life with colleagues in campus, life with friends outside campus. Without me knowing it costs me my emotions, it consumes some of my personal time as well. Being sentimental when neither atmosphere makes me feel belonged, when I feel like curling into a ball on my bed and don’t want to do anything because I need time for adaptation. These are the cycle I wished to break, but be ready to surprise I never be able to.

Adaptation, some people treat it as a routine. A routine that they can get over with naturally, with the help of friends and people around, for strong-willed ones these things didn’t even bother them for there’s something out there that’s worth worrying about. But not for me, I remember someone said this to me, a very close friend of mine that I think too much. Way too much over small little things. When I started to hear voices around me and I would suspect myself having bipolar disorder, when there are times I would cry for no concrete reason and I started to relate them with what happened in the past. And without me knowing, I had dug my emotion too deep that it’s almost impossible to conceal it back. That friend of mine ended up listening to everything and sometimes even dissolved the meshwork of unnecessary emotions that has piled up and started suffocating me. Or most of the time she will say "you’re thinking too much".

When such times came, I don’t know why I don’t want to stop thinking. I feel like if I were to just let it passed and act like nothing happened it would be too burdenful. As such I am actually ignoring one side of me that’s craving for tears. And that once I cried my eyes off, the heavy heart gets lighter naturally.

The same goes when I think I don’t belong somewhere. When I get back to hostel from a long holidays for instance, that transition period I called ‘adaptation’, instead of treating it as something casual, it has turned into a disease to me. That ends up giving me unnecessary stress. And this answers why I’ll anyhow try to get back to hostel a few days prior. Because I believe it’s always important for me to be mentally prepared with pressure in lectures, that even just glancing at tonnes of notes would give me ghostbumps, that thinking fastforward to the upcoming classes, assignments, presentation, exam gives me extra chill down the spines.

Well back to the issue, can anyone tell how can I have that transpoase or anything that acts the like so that I won’t suffer too much to adapt?

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