surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness
dear lord embrace me with your blessings


Sunday, February 26, 2012

I Believe

Let's just have a quick update.

8 Feb - started second semester for 3rd year
11 Feb - 2nd wedding of the batch; Ismail and Azhani
11 Feb-14 Feb - attended The Royals debate in USM
18 & 19 Feb - attended Konvensyen Fiqh Ummah at PWTC
20 Feb - launching for FPSK English week
21 Feb - adjudicating intrafaculty debate
22 Feb - attended Productive Muslim Talk in Main Campus, Nila
23 Feb - not adjudicating final round for intrafaculty debate (bad fever)
25 Feb - attended intermedical school debate (still fever+sore throat+flu)
28 Feb - adjudicating 1st session of public speaking for english week
1 March - adjudicating 2nd session of public speaking for english week
2-4 March - 3rd year OPKIM (operasi khidmat masyarakat) in Terengganu
5 March - closing ceremony for english week
17 & 18 March - Medical Career & A Doctor's Life Carnival organized by Medical Student Club

Let's stop the list for now.

Adapting a life as a medical student, nobody says it's gonna be easy. To balance books and other activities, I'm still an amateur. But to look at it in a positive side, it depends on how we look at it. If we approached 'em as problems, then problems they will be. If we approached 'em as something fun, then fun things they will be.

I believe Allah is always by my side and Allah without fail will help me going thru everything.

new tagline

let's become a productive Muslim!

ps: now i kinda understand why the Quack's World admin was on hiatus during his 3rd year

Friday, February 10, 2012

Decent Disclosure

I started blogging because of one reason; people around me said that I should. And that was years ago. After a while then I noticed I always had this satisfaction after pressing that 'publish' button at the bottom of my 'new post' options. And it adds up the pleasure knowing I have permanent readers though there aren't many that I know of. And to stay positive, I assume those lack of comments after each of my entries despite the increasing traffics as some virtual support from my silent readers.

Nah I'm not offended. And to keep staying positive I assume that's because I administered this blog in English so people don't wanna bother heck of a mind to comment.

Being among the few still-posting-blogger within my classmates, not to mention those who posted once a month, and let alone any other abandoned blogs, the least thing I wanna expect is seeing the same blog post on your right side of the page not updated for weeks.

That obviously shows (as it seemed) that I am the only one out of other 56 colleagues of mine who still got time dating the laptop screen, flirting with the keyboard, ogling god knows what these social networks have to offer instead of developing a comfortable long relationship with Mr. Robbins or Mr. Katzung or Prof Adel (his notes I mean).

Ah the excitement of blogging has deteriorated a bit. That isn't the only thing bugging me.

I've always faced this dilemma of how should I approach the readers. Some people named their blogs after the very honest side of them and sure their entries lived up serving the names. And yes most of these blogs have over hundreds followers, let alone the generously huge self-publicity headers giving out amateur poses.

Forget me and my dilemma.

Talking about being honest, we all have an honest side of our own. It could be that honest side we show to others on a regular basis or that honest side that won't come out until we're all by ourselves or when we're with close friends, and for some when they're with strangers.

On these different levels, the reason behind them also differs.

The honest side in front of everyone
The honest side when you're with close friends
The honest side around strangers
The honest side when you're alone

I stumbled across some readings, that's what the psychological theory we called the masking phenomenon. Where we tend to suit ourselves relative to who we're with. Or in short those are the sides of us which won't come visible unless triggered, provoked, metaphorically invited by the particular people or atmosphere.

Let's save the argument whether or not these are real honest sides we/people put on and not some sort of typical hypocrisy.

All of these aren't a bad thing at all and after all, they named it psychological theory which by right should be a normal phenomenon occurring to everybody. But personally I think it could be real wrong if we take it to the extremity.

For instance by being too absorbed with each of the different personalities we portrayed at different occasions, some people especially those suffer with psychological conflicts might believe they're having bipolar disorder.

I'm talking based on experience.

If I were to ask you this 'do you think I have the sides that I didn't show to you?'

Well let me answer that for you. I do. I have it.

I have this blog you're reading and my facebook for everyone who knows me
I started a twitter account for close friends (though some of you might have tracked down that account)
I have a tumblr to serve the strangers
And another blog which I made private that no one could access it.

Each of the medium, perhaps shows independent sides of me respectively.

Why did I do that?
Self satisfaction maybe

Why did I tell this?
Take it as a decent disclosure

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The first time after such a long time part 2

Everything started needs an ending, we all know that. If not there must be some sequels of it. That's why here I am writing this and here you are reading it.

This is the second episode of my previous entry 'the first time after such a long time'. A sequel? Maybe more like the consequences. The consequences I need to take responsibility of now, another bus ride back to KL that is.
A few days prior to today when I answered mum I'll go back on Tuesday (ready imitating the puss in boots eyes hoping mum would decode that), from across the dining table mum offered me a negotiation: 'we can send you back, but on Monday'

Right. By car (plus by mum) on Monday or by bus on Tuesday. Okay I know we all would do anything to delay even another extra day at home before the holiday ends, but the offer is still tempting.

If my decision to go back by bus is considered a faith, then it has started shaking and in jeopardy upon mum's offer. I never thought making this type of decision would be this hard. I told mum I have to think about it.

Surprisingly yesterday mum brought that up again. You see, sometimes I think it wasn't just me who feel reluctant to go back, perhaps mum too feel reluctant to send me off every time. But happy ending hasn't arrived just yet, my little brother overheard the conversation.

It always upsets him when it's always me who gets all the attention. And yeah I admit that sometimes it made me feel like I am the baby of the family and not him. To cut the story short, I stick to the original plan; I'll take the bus. Bottom line.

The packing process didn't start until this morning. I guess my packaphobia has never completely gone away.

Set aside the risk of going back alone via public transportation, another thing I despise is how the trip 'back' has always left me twice more stuff to pack than the trip 'go'. It always fascinated me where did all the extra stuff come from, or rather were there a little witch around the house casting a spell on me so that everything I see appear attractive?

Sisters. Apart from lending a shoulder, an ear, giving a word or two at the right time, what are sisters for? Nope unfortunately my sister weren't around to help me packing this time. She was out early for hockey training, a coach. Her students' tournament is tomorrow (good luck to that!)

I took back my white sneaker she borrowed
She took back the shawl she gave me
I took back the dress I gave her
She wanted my old mp4 player
I took her other shawl
She took my charger adapter

And wrapped it with a smile. Now that's what real sisters are for.

Coincidentally my earphone broke down and if it wasn't because my bag is full, I swear I would have taken her brand new headphone. There's no other solution to this, unless mum really insists to send me back or mum allows me to drive one of her cars which she won't until I'm at least in 4th year (let's just hope she'll stick to that) then my only option is to keep stuff to the minimum.

Finished packing and off mum and I went to town for ticket-hunting. It was 10am and my bus was at 12.30 noon. Within 2 hours I was hoping we would go around Swiss Polo or Carlo Rino sightseeing handbags like we always do. But I never thought our mother-daughter window shopping this time would be me accompanying mum with groceries shopping.

30 minutes before departure, mum was still sitting beside my at the platform waiting. A few feet away sat one cute guy. If I were the old me, I would have wished badly for our seats on bus to be next to each other. But nah, thanks. I've decided to cut off that flirty side of me for good.

3 hours ride, and here I am to post you an entry.

Our 6th semester starts tomorrow. By the end of it, is our second professional exam. But the nearest nightmare is to wait for our end semester 5 exam results. Tongue-tied. Let's just pray while we can.

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