surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness
dear lord embrace me with your blessings


Saturday, January 29, 2011


Meet my second sister


We might look alike, but we’re slightly different in taste

Maybe yes, we would agree with each other for make-ups and heels (though she’s way ahead) but







Perhaps it’s not even slight

So instead of wearing hers, guess I just need to have an instant shopping on what to wear to an alumni meeting this Sunday, oh that’s tomorrow~ -_-

Maybe she’s just a size smaller than me that’s why

Some more

Guys too

Yea, it’s not even slight!


Friday, January 28, 2011


Ammelid isn’t some sort of a fiction heroin character. Try reverse spelling; it’s called dilemma. Boring of writing it right since this isn’t my first entry on it, this d-word has pretty much became my best buddy ever since.

D-word verse 1

Meet ego; e.g.o. This fella over here is the culprit of d-word verse 1.

To do it or not to do it, it’s going to be easier if a clean list of pros and cons is made. But rationalizing has become biased when e.g.o came into place. In the end decided not to do though deep within it’s leaving emotional debris! Damned! Need to end this.

D-word verse 2

How come something that’s been set for you ended up as a dilemma? Easy, because you’ve got no share to say on it. No negotiation, no compromise, no confrontation. Not so professional. So despite you’ve got to do one thing instead of another since it’s been decided for you, you’ll tend to take both into account before coming to a decision like nothing have happened before. Crap!

Ps: I do talk crap, but I need to get things serious at times too
Pss: Why does my consultant has to be a year younger?


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

So I wonder

It’s been quite some time ago that I watched Hello Baby Shinee! The fangirls wonder how can babies (the Shinee members especially Taemin) take care of babies. Maybe the feelings are pretty much like;

1. Me saying yoroshiku onegaishimasu (please take care of me) to my juniors for I was freaking to death of the debate beforehand

2. People around making faces when Jannah said to me ‘Don’t worry I can take care of you’ if we were left alone

3. Shielding behind my baby brother at a shopping mall when a stranger came out of nowhere asking crappy things

4. Calling up a younger sister of a friend asking for some inspiration

Or perhaps it’s something like an L license holder being the co-pilot of an almost-2-months-haven’t-hold-the-steering driver… not to mention without mummy’s consent.

Ow~ God bless~

Ps: Hey! The Green Hornet will be aired tomorrow (^^)

We're going gaga over it!

I’ve got kinda a list of topics to post about. A lot of things happened within a day or two, a total contradiction as well as under the same distinction. While writing has seldom giving me hard times (or it does sometimes), thinking of posting one happy thing in a post and immediately jumping to one emotional thing in another, that just quite not feel right to me. Or rather an entry of mushy stuff followed by a holy verse as a reminder of another stuff, and above all I’m still not in that mood to post 3 to 4 entries within 5 minutes yet.

We learnt a word called priority, and yeah maybe prioritizing is what we call it. Writing, apart of it comes with ideas, yes it comes with mood just as fair. Can’t help it, you’re having a blast a minute and it’s all screwed the next, other things can wait but you’ll need to wash out of you brain what happened recent most. Believe it or not, earlier occurrence is often discriminate forgotten to the background for quite a time until such mood is recovered. But never mind, I’ll fix those pending subjects some other time =D

Some might notice this, some might not, our latest syndrome

1. A bunch of Al-Razians girls assembled in a group

2. Some peculiar spellings were heard, followed by some cheers

P-l-a-i-d – Yay it exists!
S-l-a-i-d – Alamak takde! Try G!
G-l-a-i-d – Haha merepek je!
B-l-a-i-d – There’s no such word la!

3. To an extent we challenged each other

‘I’ve got 126 out of 168 words’

‘We’ve got 88 out of 102 words’

4. We’ve been smuggling iphones in between classes

Rather than gossiping, that’s what I call

The iphone scramble syndrome, pioneer credits to Syera

This scramble thingy is innocently addictive. So iphone-r, ipad-er, or ipod touch-er out there can try to download the app. And of course the best thing is you’ll get to know new unheard before words. For instance, I learnt the word ‘gaga’ actually exist; it means slightly crazy because you are very excited.

We're going gaga over it

Some more scramble moment

Ps: My Hollywood movies obsession has long gone ever since I became a J-maniac. But Jay Chou really makes me want to watch The Green Hornet!
Pss: Ankle sprain tak ankle sprain, I want my heels!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Stop reading if you can't handle this!

Before blowing candles on the birthday cake, when asked for some wishes,

“I want to be happier”

Was all that she said.

Of all the reasons why one deserves to be happy, having people around who care is one. Having people around to care for, that’s two. Now free your mind and follow me. Assumed one who’re cared by people around (the 7th alphabet ‘g’) and one who have people to care for around (the 22nd alphabet ‘v’) are 2 different individuals.

Someone around that v cares for is g, unfortunately someone who cares for g that she cares for in return isn’t v. For v that’s not quite the issue; having her cared one stay happy is all that matters. One day the one who cares for g that she cares for in return left her.

For losing someone who cares for her that she cares for in return, g has gone less happy
For losing the happiness of someone she cares for because that someone lost the one who cares for her that she cares for in return, v has gone less happy

So there, another 2 less happy girls sitting side by side

I said 2 girls sitting side by side

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Monday to Friday

(Welcoming-the-weekend version)

I know it’s been 5 days when

1. I’m charging my LG lollipop

2. I’m shuffling songs on lappy instead of mp4

3. Locker is relatively empty and domestic swing is relatively full

4. Housemates have gone MIA (1. Balik rumah 2. Other commitments)

5. Surprisingly abundant of gardenia on dining table (weekend supply)

6. Didi knows this part best =P

7. When it’s Friday of course!

Happy Hols Al-Razians and oh, for the bengkel penyembelihan let’s do our best*~

*Noor Aiman’s version; himnae!
*Zawani’s version; ganbatte!
*Didi’s version; berusaha~

Sorang sembelih sekor ayam?

Dear Ms Chicken, please be good to me~

Monday, January 17, 2011

To HIM ye be all brought back

Verse 1

Putting an end to something often results in the ‘D’ word (read: dilemma), pain is implied proportionate to how huge it is. But sooner or later, you’ve got to stop when you’ve got to stop.

When the time has come for you to stop, then you should stop. How, is pretty much another issue.

What if it’s too late to stop?

Just shut up and drive!

Nope that’s too egocentric

Drive straight and make a u-turn immediately once you reached the nearest roundabout

And someone actually said this to me
‘But mademoiselle, there’s no roundabout on the highway’

Just pray you’ll find an exit soon before you die in a car crash

Ps: Mademoiselle is a French word for Miss (pronounced: ma-moa-zell)

Verse 2

Dear Nur Fatin Fariza Fauzi, Happy 20th birthday. May Allah bless in all undertakings =)

A tiramisu for you

While one is still able to cherish life over here, as contrast as it is; few hours ago a housemate’s best friend passed away…

Dear sweetheart,
We might not be able to bear the burden of your tears
For only you know how deep that hurts
All the memories, all the promises
But we will live still
On this Earth, breathing
Knowing not when we’ll be tagged along

Reciting (36:82-83)

Verily, when He intends a thing, His command is, “be”, and it is!

So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things:
and to Him will ye be all brought back

Ps: (Yassiin:82-83)

Friday, January 14, 2011

It lasted for 2 days

Looked upon once
‘It’s beautiful, your eyes look like a Barbie doll’
‘It reminds me of that pussy cat in Shrek, round-watery big cute eyes’

Looked upon twice
‘It’s scary, you look like the ghost in ju-on'
‘Oh now I remember, your eyes look like a vampire’

Looked upon thrice
‘It’s too weird, your eyes are well-cut rounded like a black hole; there’s nothing inside
‘Your eyes look like an alien!’

Ok vampires are hot. I’m concerned that a vampire is considered inhumanly beautiful as described by Bella in Twilight when she 1st saw Edward. But I don’t see how alien and ju-on could be squeezed in between.

The lens hurt my eyes so much not because it’s a coloured one as well as it’s slightly bigger in radius (since it’s purposely meant to make the eyes look bigger). Truth is it’s got a minute scratch that’s why: unavoidable manufacturing defect. The painful 2 days, I experienced the effect of dear workaholic lacrimal glands (read: tear glands) due to oversecretion of tears at a point I nearly believe I’m having cataract!

The torturing beautiful eyes session was over. It lasted for 2 days and that was it, I should’ve known I could never entertain both pain and beauty on the same level. Well at least not opthalmologically, but rather orthopaedically yes; especially regarding lower limb phalanges and metatarsals (I’m talking about my heels obsession). Now that the pair of nuisance lens was emotionally disposed by me (R.I.P my ‘late’ black magic lens), there went my RM xx poofed in the thin air.

Sad but true. In this journey called life, many are lost along the way; in my case TEARS and MONEY. And I really mean it figuratively.

Postscripts corner

Ps: Didi your mimpi was so sengal. Now I kept imagining it happens in real life and it’s all your fault! =P
Pss: What’ll happen if you stalk a stalker? So don’t mess up with me
Psss: Flats are convenient true, but after some time it’s just less elegant!
Pssss: Mid semester assessment starts next week! Dear Al-Razians ganbatte~
Psssss: I might get another pair of black lens after the holidays. Wait for my black pussy eyes comeback! Hohoho~

Like a black hole you said. Look into my eyes and you'll fall for an out-space experience ~heh~ =P

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Dear little evil protrusion

Just imagine

Your iris is constantly pressed by a single infinitesimal strand protrusion of lens surface irregularity for say 5 hours to be exact. I bet the pain will remain even after the lens is removed.
It does remain…

In this case, I’ll entertain both pain and beauty on par

You're eyes are beautiful!

Ps: Beautiful? Or rather scary

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Mind invasion


Why do people blog? Some says they’re sharing information, some to keep updates with their long-distance friends, some simply to kill time, some appreciates it as a medium of talent, some would just write the hell out not even bothering if it is viewed or read, some to keep them awake if studying turns them into sleeping beauties, some just love it so they could share their lives with public.

Many would agree, many would object. We all have our own reasons why we started blogging.

Whatever She Wants

The time I named this page, never had I think long whether it really would be ‘whatever' to be written. Viewers, readers know best. As much as I hate my life being an open book, as much as I wonder those who got guts cursing people they detest on blogs, as mush as I want to keep myself mysterious, I tried hard not to spill out everything here. Even if I did, it would be a bit indirect and only those who’re sensitive enough could pick it up. My title won’t pretty much be my main point. Sometimes what I really intend to tell is anywhere in the piece; credits to those who’re able to read between the lines.

Is it pretty much like a psychic?

No need to go that far, rather than psychic try to apply instinct instead. Could we actually read minds?

Reading what they wrote, what words they’re using; why is she using thou instead of plain you?
Detailing what shape they’re sketching; why does this flower has only 4 petals instead of 5?
Seeing some drawings; why is the moon crescent and not a full one?
Looking at people randomly, look into their eyes; could you really tell if they’re happy?

Many would assume such things are nothing more than coincidence, as often as it would it’s an unspoken hint saying ‘please save me’
Can people really do that? It’s impossible to know something without being told, yes. But personally,

So much of the breeze sings
So much of the wind chime rings
So much of the bird wings
So much of the little tree clings
You could tell there might be storm soon

Am I wrong?

Postscripts (read: ps)

Did I just give some hints? You decide…

As I quote Fazli

“The moral of the story is, be careful of what we want to believe. Sometimes being a writer, we can manipulate our sentences so that people will tend to trust what we wouldn’t want them to trust”

And by the way, some would blog to intentionally manipulate what others think about them…

So what to do if you're lost in your own world. Can anyone else save you?

Saturday, January 8, 2011

A trip over tongue

Reading the above line if what crossed your mind is a trip taken where you’re jumping over a huge artificial tongue replica in a recreational park at your rare vacation spot, then you’re wrong.
Trip over your tongue (read: stutter)

While others take this as an unfortunate form of words cycle that comes once in a while, people around me and I myself would consider this as something normal (when it happened to me). So much of Syera loves to tease me if I did stutter in class during seminar presentation, tutorial or in everyday conversation, as much I’m keen to justify on what point till to what extent I would stutter.

An overview:
In Japanese consonant they don’t have the letter ‘L’, and phonetically they pronounce ‘R’ as something pretty much between an ‘L’ and ‘D’ with most mingle of ‘R’. Easiest example, try listening to their ‘arigatou’, to sensitive ears it’ll sound jumbling of ‘D’, ’L’ and ’R’ (can come to me if you’re too curious to know)

1. I’ll tend to stutter after eating an ice-cream. The feeling is something near to your tongue is frozen and your tongue muscles’ action is restricted to one point that you can’t pronounce all words right.

2. When the word is too long, for instance the word ‘regurgitation’

3. When the words are hard and confusing, for instance ‘juridical’ and ‘judiciary’.
This is a common thing happened when I’m debating against people who’re major in law (it’ll get worse if the motion revolves anything on laws)
Juridical: connected with law, judges or legal matters
Judiciary: the judges of a country or a state, when they are considered as a group

4. When I talk too fast that I was thinking of something else and something else came out instead. You know when you have to shoot out words one after another instantly that all the thinking time has long gone and what’s left is for you to talk. Can’t help that (believe me it’ll get worse when nervous is along the package). For instance desired word is ‘neurotransmitter’.
I could go ‘neuto’, ‘neuto’, ‘neuto’ for 3 seconds before able to get that neurotransmitter word right. You know when you’re nervous and you’ll start a chain of stuttered words, it’s just contagious in nature.

5. When I’m being a bit letter biased (trying to sound particular letter prejudice). For instance the sentence ‘the pulse rhythm is normal, it’s regularly regular’. Hey, putting ‘L’ and ‘R’ right one after another is not fair! (For me =P). Note the previous overview; I’m mixing up my English and Japanese phonetics.

6. When there’s a sudden change of language mode (particularly Japanese and English). For instance the word ‘Okazaki fragments’. Ok this happened during our recent Biochemistry tutorial; I unconsciously said ‘Ozakaki fragments’. And Syera was like ‘Wanie it’s a Japanese word and you still stutter’, so I was like ‘well, Okazaki is a bit hard for my tongue’. So such words that could make my tongue in jeopardy do exist.


‘But I think she’s a bit moody’
Being told such by a superior, I need a workshop on how to react to that

Studying on bed apart from it secretly tempts me to go drifting in my dreams, what’s distracting is I can’t find my pencil, pens, eraser and even my phone because everything is blue. Optical illusion -__-

On blue comforter

Was it just me or fb is getting even boring-er

No more fb-ing? lol nah~

Since it is winter and snowing here in Al-Razi as claimed by Noor Aiman, we’ve developed some new trends

Ow~ I want one too

Reen thanks for the chocolate graphics =)

From the chocs fair. This is edible ok!

Regarding the blue whale
The receiver is probably missing the giver (^^)

Thursday, January 6, 2011



Could memories hurt?

Memory… is the diary that we all carry about with us

Be it sweet or bitter, people tend to recall what happened throughout their lives. Being positive, many would consider bitter things that happened deserve given credit for; for they made them stronger, they made them who they are today.

Whatever happened before our growing years, involuntarily registered in our minds without a doubt.

I asked upon a friend how to deal a painful past, and the friend tell “it’s like hiding something hushy in a private box not wanting others to find out and eventually wishing for it to go ‘abracadabra’ poof! Vanish into the thin air pretending they never happened for it hurts badly. But gradually as time flies, no matter how much you try to get rid of it, parallel to your maturing thoughts it’s just impossible. Sooner or later I suppose the time will come for us to start confronting the box back, perhaps with different emotion; can’t ignore the box definitely for it’s not biodegradable!”

So I asked the friend further, will tears the day the box reopened same as the one shred the day it was packed and hide. “No, even if any is shred it would be on the ground of dignity for we made it to confront the emotional blackmailing unjustified fear within us. And what’s important is to stay strong”

Could memories really hurt? If they could, how far?

Ps: A classmate’s mum passed away last night ~Al-Fatihah~ Dear Habil be strong
Pss: HE plans all, and never ever forget that

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Please be good to me


X: Oh my god! You blushed!
Me: This is called suntan, smart!

My suntan hasn’t recovered yet. I suppose I won’t?


Me: These days I would wake up every morning bugged by the same thing
Y: What?
Me: I don’t know what clothes to wear, I don’t know which shoes to hop into
Y: I thought you’ve got lots of them
Me: Yeah, but I have to consider being formal, that’s why
Y: Ow~
Me: So after this you won’t have to ask why if I buy a new pair of shoes

I noticed my closet full with outfits, as much as I realized I can’t wear them all to lecture.
And the same goes to my shoes.

I won't wear this to class for instance ~ pic credits to sis addie~

or this


I envy the 6th last presenter this evening. You’re good and I mean it
(Is this statement considered controversial?)


Dear 2011, please be good to me -___-
or in Japanese
Yoroshiku onegaishimasu

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Turning 20 finale

I wonder if this entry has anything to do with me turning 20

Along the way
I learnt this recently in my Creative and Critical Thinking lecture ‘it’s good to challenge on other people’s opinion’, I agreed and when asked why I replied ‘because criticism is essential’, provided it’s a constructive criticism.

Please note the definition of criticism; the act of expressing disapproval of somebody/something and opinions about their faults or bad qualities; a statement showing disapproval
–Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary 7th Edition-

I support critics and their critiques, even happy for it if… (Conditioning applied) that critiques are meant to correct what’s wrong and not merely condemning on an egoism basis.

Always believe opinions are subjective, also known as abstract. There’s no definite borderline on opinions; to what extent it’s true and to what extent it’s not; there’s no right and wrong about it.

What owns the properties of further classified as right and wrong is FACT. Here’s the thing;

Fact: Malaysia is a tropical country
Premise A: There’s no snow in Malaysia
Premise B: Malaysia is snowy

Obviously premise A is right and premise B is wrong

Compare with this

Statement: Roses are beautiful
Premise C: Roses are beautiful because they are red
Premise D: Roses are beautiful because they are white

FYI rose’s species could be found in red, pink, white, and yellow. So just because you think roses are attractive most in red, are you going to deny it might look great in other colors too thus denying other roses colors exist?

Premise A and B are right facts and wrong facts respectively. But Premise C and D are opinions themselves. Yep it (read: opinions) may vary from one individual to another but that doesn’t bring about a total ignorance of others’.

So instead of saying a solid ‘NO’ to one’s opinion;
‘No, white roses aren’t as beautiful as red’
You should intercept with manners;
Yeah white roses are nice. But for me, I personally think red roses are the best

While I believe opinion should be left alone as it is and respected, it too can be challenge provided there exist circumstances. For instance;

Statement: Roses are beautiful
Premise E: Red roses are beautiful
Premise F: White roses are beautiful
Circumstance: Need to find suitable type of roses for a wedding reception

Note: White roses symbolize innocence, purity, secrecy, marriage, loyalty, reverence and humility

Under such circumstance obviously you have to go with white. This doesn’t just consider as opinion; this is an opinion and decision where other’s point of view will be totally objected. How to make people accept the decent way? Well that depends on individuals.

Get my point?
1. There’s no right or wrong in opinions
2. If there is a possibility to argue, most probably that’s called facts
3. Opinions can be challenged but under circumstances. If not please respect it as it is
4. And if you were to hold firm to your opinion (to criticize others), please do it with manner
5. And give a constructive one


Maybe there is. I’m gradually becoming more mature than I was (crossed fingers, whoops)

Ps: All examples are random, don’t take it personal.

A garden of blue roses? (^^,)

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Turning 20 part 2

Rather than having presents ‘come’ to me, my 1st sis made me ‘come’ to it myself.

Kidnapped! Perhaps that’s the word. The plan was set earlier and I never thought the last minute cancellation is unavailable; since later appointments can always be an excuse to refuse something. Unfortunately it didn’t work that way.

My 1st sister secretly registered me to join some sort of camp. First thing first, if it’s something you’ve zero idea about definitely it sucks to anticipate; it was a 2 days and a night indoor camp. Hey but it was a great camp after all! =)

The 13th Khalifah Youth Training (December 25-26 2010)
Organized by an NGO called Khalifah Institute
Conducted by Khalifah Youth Circle

Ampang Utama
We entered a residential area
It’s a 4-storeys house they called the Khalifah Model School (KMS)
Can click here in case you’re curious

They’re trying to bring the Khalifah method;
1. Be good
2. Help others be good
3. Make the world beautiful

Here are the slots
1. Pandangan Alam dan Konsep Khalifah by brother Mursyidi Mohd Diah
2. Creation of the Universe by Prof Norhani Mohidin
3. Hukum Pembelajaran by brother Muhammad Qayyum Abdul Raof
4. Pengukuhan Pengaruh Positif by Dr Alini Marzuki
5. Objective Understanding of Right & Wrong by Sister Azra Banu
6. Islamic Psychology by Sister Azra Banu

If you ask me which is/are my favorite(s), I’d say those by Sister Azra Banu =)

Sister Azra Banu, a mother of 4
A founding member of 4 NGOs
- Muslim Professionals Forum
- Viva Palestina Malaysia
- Orphan Care
- Khalifah Institute
And she just recently came back from a humanity convoy to Gaza

Some of her quotes that caught me most were

‘Good and evil are constants; we’re the one that varies. So not knowing doesn’t change the constants’

‘Heart (Qalb) doesn’t think, it feels. So it feels and doesn’t rationalize. Therefore all decisions must base on Aql’

‘To feel bad about something bad is good, that’s called guilt. And guilt is good when you do something about it. So when you do something wrong, tell yourself to be guilty’

Another reason why I love her slots most is because I was appointed to be the emcee ~weee~
Doubling loving it when I was told to conduct it in English ~weee~
=D =D =D =D =D

I don’t know why, but perhaps my English tongue was predominating that made I shot out a lot of English unconsciously spontaneous most of the time during ice breaking, LDK and opinion sessions (baru balik dari Royals Debate kot. Huhu), which of course I was so grateful of (I personally suck in Malay emceeing).
What I'm interested in being the emcee is that I need to stay fresh and awake for the rest of the slots, paying attention and make simple thoughtful conclusion at the end as a public evidence I didn't doze off.
Here's what I came out with;
Just sit there and do nothing is so wrong
So do something
But not a mere something
But something good
Points to ponder
What's seen isn't necessarily what it seemed
What seems bad might not seen as one
What seems good might not seen as one
So integrate Ruh, Nafs, Qalb and Aql
Think wisely

Anyways, I’m too glad Sis Honey made me come to the camp though honestly I was pretty much refusing at first. Positive spiritual supplement I’m trying to swallow everyday is to tell myself ‘I’m a khalifah of Allah’. Guess a good and healthy new leaf to be turned over eh. Oh btw, Sis Honey made Sis Addie joined as well. Double glad I wasn't alone.

The farewell chocs =)

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