surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness
dear lord embrace me with your blessings


Friday, July 30, 2010

A lil bit of things

On topic 1:
It has been nearly a week since the Inter-Medical Scrabble thingy. And here I go again, after gaining some enthusiasm to post about it. To be truth even though I personally thought that it didn’t go out well, surprisingly people around me claimed the other way around. Ms Que, my MSC seniors, committee members and even the participants. Shalisa the 1st runner up from UKM talked to me personally, she’s so thankful and glad that we invited them and she said she hasn’t had so much fun for ages; she used to play scrabble back in school. The girls from UiTM as well wished we could organize the event again next year. They said apart from the Inter-Medical Debate organized by UM, there seems like none else event left for the medical students. I see this as a great and awesome opportunity for MSC, we might just hold it again for next. And one more thing, I got this quite a lot. Most of the participants are the 1st and 2nd year students; except for Shalisha she’s in 3rd year and another 8 participants from USIM are 5th and 6th year respectively. They thought of me as a 4th year student! It’s either because I looked too matured or because I looked old, well you decide.

left: me, right: Intan

4th place: Nurul Najmee (UiTM)
3rd place: Brother Suhaimi (USIM)
2nd place: Shalisha (UKM)
1st place: Sis AJ (USIM)

Hey, I’m really looking forward to the Inter-faculty Scarbble this coming August 21st, go Emang and the gang! I got to be the head judge. Hontou ni tanoshimi!

Spotted watching the final round

Off topic 1: There has to be a better pic than this. I'm waiting for the scrabble deluxe board pic after final round but somehow the email hasn't arrived, anyways.

On topic 2:
Oh lord! My friends claimed my words seemed to be a bit too mean lately; outspoken, cynical and sarcastic. Oh dear, I’m sorry. Honestly my intonations are a bit off these days, I wish I know why. So forgive me if I, by no means to be mean offended you.

On topic 3:
Dr. Rafidah our Physiology lecturer said that the 3-in-1 beverage is not good. Because each amount of cream or chocolate or coffee or tea and sugar in each sachet has been extra concentrated than its usual quantity, so who knows you’re taking extra bit of everything and that’s not good for your body. Come to think about it, now I know why my sister used to order or drink coffee instead of Nescafe. I once asked her, what’s the different between those and she went ‘sweetheart, obviously coffee comes from grinded coffee beans which make it more expensive while Nescafe is just some cheap 3-in-1 beverage’. Oh, and now I know. I’ll get myself to drink coffee after this rather than Nescafe.

On topic 4:
A day after the Inter-medical Scrabble, the whole class (almost) went for a theatre at KLPAC. Earlier plan was to go and watch Romeo and Juliet, but then under some circumstances we were ought to watch Indicinelive; it was a combination of short sketches. And off we went. Apart from the 3 hot chicks singing and dancing in their shorts and narrow strips tops, 4 hunks shouting and cursing, with all 7 of them running on and off stage, after all those were just it (it was funny though). I did enjoy the laughing part but frankly those were it and nothing more. It wasn’t for the sensitive issues that they touched, wasn’t for the exaggerated languages and outfits that they wore (took those as some sort of exposure with boundaries). It’s just that I prefer proper play with proper costumes. You see, I used to be a big fan of art and literature. So that’s why I’m anticipating more on the art rather than issues.

The indicinelive casting

On topic 5:
There got to be the reason why I posted about miscellaneous of these and that.

Left most; superior and inferior: Door 1 & Door 2
1: Me
2: My best friend
3: The cupboard
Basically this is the plan of my lecture hall. Me and my best friend is separated by a row! So I can't just turn around and shout 'Hey Dibah, I have something to tell you', so whether I want it or not I have to walk to the back and sit beside her to talk to her. That's why I'm bit reckless of posting this time; these are things I wanted to tell her that I didn't get to tell her.
'Dibah, you don't mind me commercializing your name right =D'

Yeah, basically I talk about nearly everything with her. God bless me..

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Vampire Attack!

Is it just me? Or is it really in trend, the vampire thingy I mean. I was sitting peacefully in the lecture hall when I saw my girl friends holding god-knows-whose vampire-related novels. As far as I’m concern, the novels have been passed around for weeks from one person to another.

Not to mention the vampire-related TV series

Well, the only vampire story that I remembered crying over reading is the Twilight Saga. The 1st Twilight sequel was aired in 2008, and it took me less than 3 months to get myself copies of the sequel novels each.

Too obsess I would say, finished reading each within 3 days tops. Anyway, I wonder why I’m not into it anymore.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Knowing and not knowing....

When you are not who people thought you were

You thought I was different. How different? Don’t blame the circumstances for yourself who failed to know me. Nobody ever said knowing people it easy. You don’t observe people from afar and go ‘I know that’s going to happen’ when they slacked off; especially when you totally don’t know them inside out. Forgive me, to tear down your expectation.

When you are not who you thought people thought you were

I thought I’d tried my best to let people see the true color of me. I thought just being with them, talking and laughing was enough to be visible to them. When the bond you thought has established firmly between the crowd wasn’t there, was it still you who at fault?

The Missing Soul part 1

by Zhu-Anne Lee

Saturday, July 24, 2010


If you ask me, where had it gone wrong, it was everywhere. The Inter-medical School Scrabble Competition, personally it didn’t go as well as I wished. Maybe the committee didn’t seem to have clicked, was it me who failed to be a good director? (Since when did I know how to exist with others?). But overall I’m glad it’s over. It’s more than 12 hours after the event ended, and I don’t even feel like talking about it yet. But one thing I wanted to do the most right now is to thank everyone.

Thanks Atin for unconditionally accompanying me to and fro the office, keeping the faith in me after been scolded by Puan Mazlen.

Thanks Reen and Jedo for the venue setup, transportation, dealing with the IT people

Thanks Lel for the registration, and Bob for being the head judge

Thanks Naniim for the banner, posters, the sellings

Thanks Nudin, Aflah and Intan for the multimedia presentation. Not to forgotten thanks to Kimi for being the cameraman (even though it was very last minute).

Thanks to Anie, Mael and Dijat for dealing with prizes, certs, tags and plaque. I really appreciate to guys using your own money first to buy those.

Thanks to Dilah for handling the food

Thanks Gugu for the invitation card, and for entertaining the VIP

Thanks to everyone who have contributed directly or indirectly to carry out the event successfully.

My colleague

Special thanks to

The participants
The supporters
The emcee
The prayers recitor
The seniors
The juniors

Thanks to everyone

That would be all

P/s 1: Why does my writing sound lame?

P/s 2: Since when do I post people’s pic without permission? Am I idolizing?

Friday, July 23, 2010

My Charles & Keith

Off topic: I’m clean from my emo mode now

Everyone knows I love heels, or at least I thought so. Guess I can’t help it because it’s in my blood. Mum used to wear heels back in the old days, but not in her fifties these days. My first sister used to wear heels during her student days, but ever since she’s married and became a mum for one, apparently she isn’t nothing near to getting acknowledged taller (when she’s already tall, in fact she’s the tallest out of us the 3 daughters). As long as it’s comfortable, it’s a deal. My second sister is an innocent heels maniac. She has got this one heels from Voir – her favorite at the moment – which referred to as her sports shoes; going everywhere in it. Having all her collections kept home the last holidays took ¼ of our living room (oh I made up this part) so you could get a little idea about her. So it seemed that the traits have started to become a bit dominant in me. The closest reason is perhaps because I and my second sister are considered tall in the family when everyone else in our family is definitely taller.

Why women love heels? Nice question. ‘Because we wanted to appear taller’ is somewhat a lame reply. As a whole, many would object wearing heels especially doctors and health consultant. It’s bad for your legs, your posture, your back and your foot bones; phalanges, metatarsal, talus, calcaneum, cuneiform (I thought by mentioning few could make me seem cool). Somehow rebutted by beauty consultant, models and shoe designers, they claimed it won’t harm if women know how to choose the right heels, not if it’s well designed and not some cheap-fake-branded heels (no offense). A debate between these elites could turn interesting and nasty at the same time.

On my side, I actually kinda agree with both; because I’m a future doctor and I’m a fashion devotee (oh I don’t really have a good sense of fashion, I just tried my best to look good which is a safe enough tips to not being a fashion victim). Or perhaps I’m a little bit biased towards the beauty consultant.

As to begin with, last Saturday I got myself a brand new pair of Charles & Keith; they offered up to 50% of since it’s the end-of-season sale. I’ve always wanted one and I guess that was my chance. Acting all excited about it, I didn’t hesitate to put it on soon after I got out of the boutique. It’s not that I’ve never wear heels, it’s just that it’s my first platform heels I’ve ever purchased. Since it’s the highest heels I ever got myself so far, I figured out it hasn’t been the same.

debut pic

The so-called runaway debut was on last Monday when I wore my Charles & Keith to campus. The first person to greet me was Tirah, right after I got off the bus. Entering class, I don’t know who else noticed I was getting extra 4 inches taller, but my girl friend Adibah definitely did; followed by the girls (masing-masing pun sibuk la nak try pakai =P).

Maybe I haven’t got to my sister’s level of wearing heels; she definitely could run in it. But personally it hasn’t been the same. I’m aware of the changes in me walking when wearing heels rather than flip flop. In order for you to seem lay back and not too stiff walking, I figured that you need to swing to an extent degree. Swing what? Not your hands, your hips la. Or else you can’t be anything near to stable and it would seem like a robot walking. Next is to keep your back straight. Good heels are those which can keep your back straight; I know it’s hard to find, but there is. Secure your shoulders and back in the right position so you won’t look pathetic in heels. One more important thing is, you need to keep every step light. What I meant by keeping it light is to walk normally. Landed by heels first, then your distal plantar (like a normal walking mechanism). Some heels-first timers would just land the whole sole on the ground; which look pretty much like marching.

So the above are the dos and don’ts when wearing heels.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Or not as it seemed. The next minutes of yours will be full with unfortunate events, which if you ask me I would pretty much exaggerate as much as I could to make it sound like hell. Hey exaggeration is my middle name.

It was something I didn’t see coming and pretty much ruined my ruined day (no matter how much you think of this, it won’t cancel each other).

Writing at this moment seems to annoy me so much, so I’ll just go straight to the point. Just be ready; I’m going to be a bit too emotional now.

I was in my English class from 2pm to 4pm when Didi who was in the Arabic class texted me, telling;

“Wani ustazah gune laptop wani kat depan”


What? Shoot! But hey come to think of it, it’s not that bad; nothing personal anyway. Maybe they needed it so much. Apart from my lappy skin, as far as I have in mind there’s nothing too attractive on it when been put in front of half the class.

[lappy skin]

After English and walking into the lecture hall, the girls started telling me stuff and explaining what happened in Arabic class just now.

Gugu: ala wani jangan la tension sangat
Me: what? em xde la tension pun. It’s just the skin right. Yeah it should be nothing.
Gugu: no, we’re talking about your wallies.
Me: ………

Lord! For crying out loud! I really didn’t see it coming! My wallpaper;

Tasniim tried to change the desktop background but ‘thanks’ to those who were already happy with it (‘comey doh’ or so; was that what they were saying?), started being havoc for no reason as they always are. And the wallies stayed for the rest of class.

Since half of the class were so excited about it, and another half doesn’t even know anything. Do you wanted to see the picture that much? For crying out loud, get a life!

The issue didn’t end in campus, but I purposely dragged it on back at home.

“Reen, cube explain sket ape actually yang berlaku dalam class arab tadi”

My expression was nowhere near relaxed and cool. With all the stuff running in my head about the Inter-medical Scrabble; I felt like cursing.

There she went, explaining.

Intan: aku tak rase wani kesah pasal benda ni, bukan pape pn. It’s just a pic.

Yep! She’s right. I won’t give a damn care about it (if I’m being a normal me) since acting tough and independant is my 2nd and 3rd middle name accordingly. But hey, maybe I do care; with me being too tired and disturbed with a big event coming this Saturday and I’m the director, and there are still a lot of things that haven’t settled yet.
Hell! I can’t be anything, but distracted.

Truth is, I really don’t care when that happened before my eyes and I knew it. But the thing is that when it happened without me knowing anything and only be informed by people once it is over. My belongings should be my belongings and people shouldn’t use it without telling me.

I felt like I’m naked in some ways, when something I considered private is being publicized. True, it was just a picture of Miura Haruma. But hey, these were just wrong.

And that was zawani zainudin, being emotional

Maybe I didn’t tell anyone about how I really felt, but this is the way me telling everyone without me even telling.

With that I thank you.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Words aren't just words

Words can’t be just words. It holds more than a mere utterance emphasized from your vocal cord. With words we can conquer the world, with words as well there can occur misunderstanding. Beware of how dangerous words could be, than only you know you shouldn’t mess up with words that you once thought were just words.

I’m always careful of what I’m about to say, or at least I tried so hard not to use the wrong statement (it doesn’t always work my way though). But when all that’s left for you is to talk while the thinking part was long gone, there’s definitely nothing much you could do but just talk.

This happened when I was 15 and as reckless as I was with words.

It was the meeting of English Language Society and the new society advisor asked us to introduce ourselves along with our posts in the club. When came to my turn, as carefree I threw words from my lips try to sound a bit laid back and informal at the same time friendly.

“My name is Zawani and I’m just a member in this club” (the line i used to introduce myself)

Compare above with;

“My name is Zawani and I’m a member only” (The line most members used to introduce themselves)

Half of the club looked at me with cynical smile and the advisor explained to me why.

We don’t use ‘just’ in your case because it sounds superior; like you’re not satisfied with your post and obviously wanting to be a president. Plus, ‘only’ is a more humble word to use where it refers as something is the best and you wouldn’t choose any other.

If I were to convert the circumstance into Malay, it would sound pretty much like;

“Saya cuma seorang ahli di dalam persatuan ini” (in case ‘just’)
“Saya merupakan ahli sahaja di dalam persatuan ini” (in case ‘only’)

Everybody knows I didn’t mean to sound superior though. From that moment and onward I enjoyed paying extra attention on words and its definition.

There you go. The thing is what means quite the same doesn’t mean it’s the same. Don’t use a word you don’t quite sure the proper meaning of it.

Just to make it fun, let’s convert the situation into Japanese;

“Kare ga tada menba darou? Kono kurabu de” (in case ‘just’-‘tada’)
-Dia (lelaki) hanya seorang ahli di dalam kelab ini kan?-

“Kare ga menba dake da, kono kurabu de” (in case ‘only’-‘dake’)
-Dia (lelaki) merupakan ahli sahaja di dalam kelab ini-

(The examples should end here, but I’m too engrossed so bear with it)

“Atashi wa zenzen heiki, tada kizu da”
-I (female) am fine, it’s just a wound-

“Ima hoshii no koto ga shiawase dake desu”
-Right now what I want is only happiness-

So words aren’t just words.

Saturday, July 10, 2010



Is read omatashimashta; neglecting ‘i’ in shita; means you’ve waited long; basically dedicated to my blog viewers (as if I have numerous of them). It was the first week of lecture, it was the orientation week of our junior the 1st year students, it was the week I went to and fro the faculty office; meeting staffs and admin regarding the coming events, and in short it was the week to absorb all of these. I’m struggling to fit in back into the template of being a medical student after the long 2 months holidays.

Is it true that stress could lead to insomnia? The thing is, I never pay too much attention on insomnia. I thought insomnia is just an adult propaganda that is able to gain scientific medical term; until I experienced it myself recently. I guess I suffered from insomnia these past few days. Truth is I worried about too many things that the anxiety jumps along into my dreams, sounds creepy ain’t it?

Basically there are 3 stages of our sleep; conscious, semi-conscious and unconscious at all (those were 1st, 2nd and 3rd stage respectively). When one puts his head to sleep, by right he’ll undergo the 1st stage of all that is conscious; where your eyeballs are still in motion, you could listen and understand well what others are talking about near you (brain still operates normally). After some time then he’ll reach the 2nd stage where you started to dream. However you could listen to certain things around you that most probably contributing the “soundtrack” of your dream simply because you’re semi-conscious. For example people laughing out loud, sound of ringing clock or phone. This is due to the process of brain resting where it hesitates whether or not to interpret a stimulus as something necessary. Then only it proceeds to the 3rd stage where he’ll be completely unconscious to the extent that he won’t respond to you waking him. The dream continues though. This is the time where basal metabolic rate is maintained; all organs are at rest except vital organ heart for instance, but still the heart rate is lower than normal. Perhaps a good night sleep is when one in the 3rd stage.

Talking about dreams, ever wonder why there will be times when you thought your dream was super awesome but you can’t recall any of it once you woke up? Why are there dreams that left you with memories and some without? Here comes the interesting part; a group of scientists believe that we can only trace our ‘dream plot’ during the 2nd stage of sleeping because basically brain is halfway to rest. And as deducted, dreams during the 3rd stage can’t be fetched to the real world once you woke up.

Back to the topic that I’m having insomnia (sorry for making the points about dream damned sickening long), I sensed that I can remember well all what my dreams were about these past few days. Judging this, I would infer that I only reached the 2nd sleeping stage or in short I had not a quality sleep for this week.

But the good thing is, it proves to me that insomnia isn’t just propaganda and stress does lead to insomnia.

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