surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness
dear lord embrace me with your blessings


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Perhaps Exaggeration

Sometimes I secretly fell for that I'm really meant to live with this emotion. Slowly I became addicted to these tears which I once hated so much. Thinking back, I had undergone a 180˚ change. I am no longer the me from 5 years ago. The experience I went through which I suppose should have taught me a lot, turned out to be on the top list of my nightmare. They say we all will grow stronger as years passed by, but my years passed only to witness me being torn down and not be able to stand up on my own. I became obsess on solitude and only wished lifeless things around me to have understand me rather than dealing with living souls.

I let the soft breeze blew away my tears
I let the falling blossom ran across my hair
I let the rain washed away my sorrow
I let the cold wind covered me from my sadness
I let the starless sky took my breath away
I let the unspoken melancholy atmosphere embraced me
I let the ground underneath bear by burden
Even if it was just for a while....

Of all this time I've been holding on, fighting to continue living, there was time when I felt I was alone and no one was around me. Even when I was surrounded by people, it only seemed too ironic and it only seemed to hurt me even more. Literally I started to turned into a lost soul wandering on Earth, not knowing anything but only left alone to breath until death invites me.

My soul trembles in the dark
Hopes escapes away leaving me untouched
Rhythm of despair knocks my thoughts
Somebody save me!!
I’m lying in my stands
I’m running in my walks
I’m mourning in my laughter
Helplessly I can’t tell what lies ahead
Endlessly view fades
End my sorrow
Stop my sadness
Take my suffers away
Wash my sins away
Let me rest in peace….

p/s: I dug into my old diary entries and discovered this, was written not 2 years ago. Gosh! Is this really my piece of thought? Can’t remember what drove me end up composing this, but hell yeah it sounded over melodramatic!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Twist to ponder

We don’t know what we have until we’ve lost it, we don’t know what we’ve lost until it arrives.

In a single glimpse, I don’t expect everybody would be able to tell what's the meaning beyond this twist. Maybe yes for the 1st part but many aren’t familiar with the 2nd testimonial.

Premise 1: We don’t know what we have until we’ve lost it

I always got my watch fixed on my right wrist, seldom I fail to put it on because my psychology told me I feel ‘naked’ without my watch covering my right wrist. But suddenly one hectic day, how unfortunate my watch broke and I end up taking it off. Despite my hand felt bare and plain, I still tend to take a glance to my wrist; where the watch was suppose to be initially. For the rest of the day I kept on craving for ‘what time is it now?’ Those were the time when I felt I was nothing without my watch (that’s too melodramatic eh? =P).

Well the thing is that, I never fully appreciate my own personal timepiece until I realize I didn’t have it anymore, well of course I’ve got it repaired by now. Anyway, try to apply it into other circumstances, the easiest one. We have 2 parents aren’t we? (To my colleague who have lost their loved ones, Al-fatihah) Please do treasure them while they’re alive. Many don’t know how precious their mums and dads are until the day they lost them forever. But remember, under this circumstance we can’t turn back time.

Premise 2: We don’t know what we’ve lost until it arrives

This is a true story and it happened to a friend of a friend of mine, named Anne. Anne had a friend, a best friend I would say, Sha. They first met since the 1st day of high school; being in the same dormitory, perhaps unspoken chemistry at first sight. Sha started befriend Anne on the ground of respect, she adored her personality and every single thing about her seemed perfect. Anne started befriend Sha for Sha was a happy-go-lucky girl and had a charm to make people laugh along with her. It was a win-win situation; they shared stories and hobbies, laughing and crying together. They were so close, going to almost everywhere together; the dining hall, assembly, classes, club activity, canteen, sports house meeting, everywhere.

Time passed by, and little by little these 2 innocent girls grew to be 2 unfathomable teens. Little by little they saw the real color of each other, good as well as the bad one. Anne was the Miss perfect, and she can’t help but to feel good about it, a bit arrogant and snobbish. Sha was an outspoken fellow who tend to criticize and even condemn anything which she found unpleasant, clashes of character. By no means there had been a few times Anne was offended by Sha’s words and there had been few times Sha felt insulted by Anne’s manner. However they never get to sit together and slow talk.

They started to develop hatred database within them. The most surprising part was that, they still did things together only this time around with the presence of obnoxious sentiment; no one had say anything at all, both were pretending they were still BFF, both were selling their soul in order not to hurt each other glaringly. Every day was wrapped with abundant of plastic smiles. But it didn’t stay long until Anne began to hang out with Marshall. Marshall was so much alike Anne, Miss flawless. While Sha started seeing Yui. Anne and Sha stopped spending time together and up until one point, they didn’t even look and say ‘hye’ when they ran into each other in the hall way. After knowing each other for 2 years, moving to the 3rd year, both started hanging out with new BFF. As such they’ve forgotten the sweet and hard times they once shared together, the arrogance went on until their graduation day; 5th year of high school.

On their graduation day, after the ceremony was over, people started taking pictures and shredding tears, many started stuffing their 5 years-belonging into their parents’ car preparing to say goodbye to their school career.

In front of the school hall, stood 2 young ladies; Anne and Sha. They looked at each other silently. Seemed that 5 years had passed so quickly, witnessing these 2 arrogant ladies being ignorant to one another. Unconsciously both slowly stepped towards each other; Anne reached out both her arms and Sha grasped it without a doubt. Anne hugged Sha tightly, and tears rolled down their cheeks. Anne had forgotten how warm their hugs used to be since years ago, Sha had forgotten how tender their friendship used to be since years ago. Both stayed still as such there was no one else around but them. Then only they were ‘awakened’ from their ego and vanity. Then only they realized they once lost their 3 years of friendship.

We don’t know what we’ve lost until it arrives.

This is a true story and it happened to a friend of a friend of mine, named Anne.

Friday, March 19, 2010

2 is better than 1?

Sape kate 2 is really better than 1? Listening to the ‘2 is better than 1’ song by Boys Like Girls really made me think about this. I mean, I’m not against the statement or anything; it’s just that the statement only seemed partially true and it doesn’t apply to all circumstances. Agree or not when I say, there’ll be times when 1 is better than 2 or 3 or 4? You decide.

The true part about the statement ‘2 is better than one’

People say studying in a group helps a lot. I kind of agree because obviously 2 great minds are better than 1 great mind.
Debatable point: when 2 great minds sit together, there might be clashes of ideas that’ll cause delay.

Taking meals
It’ll look pathetic to sit alone and eating in a café or restaurant ain’t it? Having a buddy for breakfast, lunch, dinner, tea or supper would be nice. People will tend to talk about things.
Debatable point: it’ll only make you take longer time to finish your meals and instead of just talking about work or light conversation, you’ll most likely to start gossiping.

Doing assignment
Completing assignment in pairs or in a group bigger than 1 sure is convenient, we’re able to divide jobs and tasks for researches. This’ll make work easier and fast (by right).
Debatable point: there’ll come to a point where you can’t even start an assignment because each members only argue about what topic to choose, plus we’ll begin quarrelling to take over the easiest task exist. Even the color for PowerPoint wallpaper could be a big issue. Just imagine when I don’t like pink but my pal insists to put pink all over places.

Watching football
This is only from a girl’s point of view for I’ve never watched soccer match be it on TV or live. They said that when people watch football, especially the XY gene it seldom is a one-man-cheering. They’ll make sure to watch it with their buddies for that’s where the excitement is.
Debatable point: guess the side by side pal watching shouldn’t be a fan of 2 all-time enemies club. Or else war is declared.

Sure there are other circumstances justifiable; try to think outside the box for the fun of it. Now moving on to the issue of 1 is better than 2. Actually this is not my point. What I would like to sell this time around in my blog is that 1 is better off with just 1 and it’s best for 1 to not increase into a bigger integer. Oh lord, I hope I didn’t complicate things here. Moving on, la la la.

I can’t remember when was the last time 1 has became such a huge number, and how I was glad it was just 1; not x>1, and how I wish for it to just stay being 1.

Was it when I got 99% instead of 100% for Agama Islam (AG) subject?

Was it when my school netball team lost to a primary school from Batu Pahat (district level) with just 1 point; 19-20?

Was it when my Maybank account only got RM99 balance, and each withdrawal should be at least RM50, plus remaining amount should be not less than RM50 as well, as a result I had to borrow my friend’s money for an outing?

Was it when my road relay team got the 11th place instead of 10th place since prizes are only given to the top 10 groups?

Was is when I reached the LRT station at 10.31 am instead of 10.30 am, that cost me the train ticket that I booked a month earlier?

See? In the above circumstances if you were in my shoes, won’t you as well wish 1 would just stay as 1 and not as any bigger digit? Won’t you as well feel glad that 1 is really better off as only 1? You decide.

p/s: the biggest issue about ‘1’ that leaded me ending up posting this entry is.. jeng3x.

p/s part 2: just after histology lecture in Makmal Pelbagai Guna level 12 this evening, we all saw a weighing scale at the corner of the lab. My friends insisted me to get on and I did. My weight increased by 1 digit; 4X kg instead of 4X kg the last time I checked. With that, how I am glad 1 is better off with just being 1.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

One way or another

In life, we’ll always face the situation which demands us to choose either one. Most of the time it should be just one way or another; you can’t have it both ways.

What’s for breakfast?
Roti bakar or nasi lemak?
It’s one way or another; you can’t have it both ways

What’s for lunch?
Nasi or roti
It’s one way or another; you can’t have it both ways

What’s for dinner?
Char kuey tiow or bakso?
It’s one way or another; you can’t have it both ways

Which one should you stick to?
Go on with your diet discipline worrying you had gain weight or bantai makan segala benda depan mata because you’re stress out?
It’s one way or another; you can’t have it both ways

Which one is the priority?
Tido dulu sebab ngantuk or gagahkan mata utk stay up?
It’s one way or another; you can’t have it both ways

What could help you feel good?
Layan emosi yang tak stabil or per-setan-kan semua tu and tumpu pada benda lagi penting?
It’s one way or another; you can’t have it both ways

Which’s the best way to live life?
Appreciate your solitude because that’s who you are or mix with some new friends to know your society?
It’s one way or another; you can’t have it both ways

Answering MCQ
It’s either true or false
One way or another; you can’t have it both ways
Or the least you can do is to leave it

And I still need to compare
The dangling smocking gown with fresh pattern or the white innocent wedding-like gown
This is also one way or another
Uh why can’t I have it both ways?


It’s a buy one free one package anyway!
The dangling smocking gown looks nice on me and why can’t the wedding-like gown as well?
As a result, I end up regret buying

believe me the gown is nowhere near this

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Mourn-worth Tragedy

Date/Day: March 13th / Saturday
Venue: DKP 3

The official closing ceremony of Debat Piala Timbalan Naib Canselor was held. Though all categories of FPSK qualified to quarter-final, but English teams were stuck as quarterfinalist, Arabic team was stuck as semifinalist and round of applause to Malay team who had trashed FSU during the final round and came out as the Champion of Piala TNC kategori BM.

My team was against FEM during quarter-final and we didn’t even expect to lose. The motion was Monarchy has no place in modern Malaysia and FPSK was the government proposing the motion. I’m not going to report every single points, words or even dissatisfactory during the debate here. But there are some things I can only feel peaceful after I posted it.

1. We came out with the definition of absolute monarchy and the status quo is Malaysia practiced parliament democracy while constitutional monarchy only has its place as a symbol of Agong but has no significant as important as democracy. But the opposition denied completely democracy and kept on preaching ridiculously about constitutional monarchy and the worst case was they didn’t even refuse the definition!

2. The best debater went to opposition leader which was just crap. Even I was better. Not to mention I deserve to be one; I don’t mind for not appointed as the best debater, but lose to someone you know who’s nothing better than you is just insulting. I personally think 3rd opposition was much better.

3. The judge commented they didn’t understand my points and it’s not clearly structurized which was twice as insulting. They said it was either because I talked too fast or I used bombastic language. None of them were particularly true. Because during argument I talked real slow to make full use of my 7 minutes and only during replying speech I rushed a bit because I only have 3 minutes to summarize all 3 points of government and all 3 of opposition’s; that makes up 6 points overall!

4. They didn’t give me any POI along my arguments and left me with penalty, but when it comes to deputy PM and 3rd minister, they started being aggressive which just as insulting.

But anyway, everything’s over and I’m glad. The results as we all known, Malay Category won by FPSK, English category won by Tamhidi, Arabic category won by FPQS. Tahun depan ada lagi kan? (Sedapkan hati sendiri)

debaters of FPSK. from right; PM, deputy PM, 3rd minister

at the middle is my bff. on her right is the camera's owner hee..

p/s: due to the ongoing grieving disebabkan kalah dengan FEM unexpectedly, penulis decided to mourn the whole next week by wearing black clothes. Please anticipate =(

The Devoted Devotee

Say in a scenario of 2 groups of people; 1 is so enthusiastic doing stuff, gossiping, laughing, and talking about Korean or Japanese stars, while another is just being indifferent and watching from afar with their own world. Putting this situation side by side, I’ve always belong to the 2nd group. Not to say I don’t do trendy stuff enthusiastically, I don’t gossip, laugh, nor talk about Japanese stars. But most likely I rather get revolves in a smaller group and only with those who knows me well. So emphasizing I’ve always belong to the observant type of people unless I’m the main VIP in a particular circumstances, I would usually keep quiet. First what’s the use of talking when obviously no one wants to listen and pay attention to you, and second this is just another evidence that I’m the type of girl who doesn’t know how to exist with others.

Analyzing this, I am so much aware that most probably I won’t be joining the 1st group I’ve mentioned before. Or even if I am, perhaps I’m being semi-conscious. After for so long being in the minority group, I can’t believe this is happening to me. Something has happened to me and I can’t deny it at all. Just recently I think I’ve been absorbed into the type 1 group of people who would do trendy things enthusiastically.

I’m so into SUDOKU right now!

erk.. that's not my hand. heh =p

sahabatku atiqah yg enthusiastically menyiapkan sudoku!

p/s: Post tak dapat diteruskan setelah penulis didapati hilang bersama pensil sebatang dan buku sudokunya. Selebihnya, apa2 kenyataan lanjut boleh dirujuk pada spokesperson penulis seperti; Abby Nasir, Zuhairah, Leyl, Azreen Syazlin, Ummu dan mereka yang berkaitan.

Attention! Request! Inspired!

Please note that this post is not fully under my consent alone, but it is a request from a dearly lonely long lost housemate named Nur Azreen Syazlin. And it is also inspired by Ummu Shafiqah who was earlier the pioneer of posting request as such coming from a request of the same person.

Where is Nur Azreen Syazlin??!!

Where is Nur Azreen Syazlin? Last 2 weekends people have claimed she was last seen inside the motion room of Arabic debate, being the 4th debater of FPSK team. But when photos were captured during the debate ongoing, she was never in the picture other than the other 3 debaters; Mujahid, Tasnim, Emang.

Where is she?

p/s: anyone who has seen her, please report to her nearest heir.

p/s part 2: congratulation to their team for going up till the semi-final. Keep it up guys! Next year ade lagi =]
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