surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness
dear lord embrace me with your blessings


Sunday, June 3, 2012


Case file 1
You used to listen to me. Back then. Way back before you start telling stories of your own. I listened to you. But I think I've lost you now.
You're expressing yourself knowing people still love you for who you are.
Me? I don't express much for I don't want them to leave for seeing the sides of me they don't know.

Case file 2
If you don't wanna walk beside me then fine. Walk behind me. Because I walk very fast.
I leaned on you too much. Depended on you too much. Though actually I'm better off alone. You've turned into a burden now.
Knowing you're there, the reason why I let my guard down. Because I know if I cry, you'd offer your shoulder and you'd wipe my tears.
I'm too naive to believe that you'll always be there for me. When apparently you're just like everybody else, you can't really be there.
So I've figured out. You're the reason why I've turned fragile. I'm less independent. So I've decided to remove you from my life.
Don't worry. We're no enemies. Just that, I won't find you that often anymore, won't tell much anymore, won't come to you crying anymore.
I won't be the stone-heart one. Just that I'm doing things on my own. We should be ok though. Let's exchange smiles once in a while.

Case file 3
And tell me why I got personal. I thought I'm over you.
It's been 2 months now. Yea. I do track down the calendar once in a while.
Just so you know. I'll wait. I'll wait. But you won't know certainly.
Of the same reason. I can smile. I can be sad. But of different times and places.
I don't know what should I do with you. I don't know what to do with myself either.
The emotion stays. Apparently. Yea. Got suppressed one time. Might recurrent in another.

Case file 4
I'm detaching myself from the world. Your world. Will keep you guys inside the glass room. Don't worry, I'll keep watching from the outside.
Time is all i need. Then I'll be well. I'll be fine. I need time to digest things, to interpret. To decide what's good for me & what's not.
I appreciate all your effort. But I need time for myself too. That's how it always has been. An outsider is just like an invader.
You claimed those as fun and excitement while I prefer to curl into a ball on bed. I don't mind even if I missed your 'so-called' fun.
Have fun is essential, serious is important too. Be moderate. Not too serious, but not too reckless and not too carefree as well.
Being serious in doing things doesn't necessary mean aiming for perfection. It's all about determination.
Tired of squeezing myself between you people. It's time for me to entertain time of my own. It's easier for me to shine.
Don't try to be concern bout me, and asking me things out of being casual. You wouldn't stay anyway. So don't expect me to be that bold.

Case file 5
Being different because you're too ego to mix around with typical people? Nah I don't read minds, just guessing.
Seems like it's you who started the war between our atmospheres. Me? I never did really touch you physically not even emotionally.
That so-called (your) 'war' was never my intention. My pride, I hold on to not hating you and keeping a safe distance away from you.
And btw in case you're wondering, the safe distance is because I don't wanna keep intact in hatred vibe you emitted. Because I don't wanna get ugly.
I'm staying firm; I'm holding on to my pride that is to not hate you or other people unless they're disgracing Allah and Rasulullah (pbuh).

Case file 6
Truth is. I can see those who've hold on for so long. Those who've tried hard to be strong. Nope. I don't read minds. Because I am too.
Want me to be truth? Act truth? Tell truth? First question yourself whether you're able to handle it.
There are things that i don't wanna talk about. But i do think about it a lot.
I don't need many of the laughter, because I can't keep up. I'm new around here, if sharing laughter is still awkward, smile is enough.
So when I'm serious, that's not because I'm a perfectionist. But I just wanna do things properly so there would be no regret after.

*source: my twitter account*

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