The other day during our round table, wallahi I had overwhelming thoughts in my head, that I wish I could spill them all out. But there are 2 things that hold me back, limit me 1) time and 2) tears.
When I said, truth is there are many times I felt like I wanna give up on you girls.
It’s not because any of your faults. It’s my fault instead.
The time I felt like giving up on you girls was the time when I’m at my lowest.
Those are the times when I forgot that the relationship that we have is because of Allah.
There are times when I feel so close to Him. And there are times when I feel so far away for Him.
And I guess, the time when I’m far from Him becomes the main reason why I’m far away from people around me.
Starting to hate, backbite, and hurt others.
I’m never that good in expressing myself.
There are things that I wish I could speak directly to each and every one of you, instead of writing them on blog, twitter or facebook.
But my intentions were never to hurt anyone.
And I’m sorry if I did.
this is dedicated to my girls, all 29 of you
sometimes i just acted too weird
sometimes i could be scary
i may seem like a pervert
maybe i'm a bit too unpredictable
one time i seemed too fragile not knowing what to do
and another minute i was up to any task i was assigned to so independently
if i were given a chance
i would, i could
look into each and everyone of you in the eyes
just look and smile
if so happen i looked at you and smile without saying a word
it's my very own way to say
'i love you, and i am glad to have you here'
Ps: I know someof us are temporarily in a little conflict. It cut me deep seeing people getting hurt here and there. It cut me deep seeing anyone thinking bad bout others. I’m sorry for what I’ve done wrong. All I wanna have is one thing called ukhuwah fillah. Sincerely.
Pss: Tried to clear things up. But guess I’m no superwoman, and perhaps I made things worse. Maybe. Maybe I’ve hurt a lot of people because I’m not used to having anyone being close to me. I’ve always been by myself. Not belonged. Neglected.
Psss: I’m not perfect. That’s lame. But that’s a fact. Forgive me.
Pssss: ahh… tears…