surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness
dear lord embrace me with your blessings


Sunday, January 29, 2012

The first time after such a long time

After I wrote the entry called ‘The balatant side of me’, surprisingly it unofficially invited some constructive comments. Right, these people who read my blog prefer that reckless side of me rather than the sophisticated me? Because what I wrote sounds more human and it makes more sense (makes more sense? Believe me you won’t feel that way once I turned my sophisticated button off) I guess now I need to find a way how to be blatant in a more sophisticated way.

It’s raining outside when i was writing this. By the time this is posted of course most probably it has stopped though, since i didn't get to publish this right away after it's finished written.

1) There is no internet connection
2) i'm on the bus at the moment

heard that? Yep i'm on the bus, after ages of not riding it. And surprise! I did!

Before i get to all pieces of mind that needed to be spilled here, again this is me writing from my ipod. Like i said, when that happens it means i'm being unexceptionally honest. no mask, no plastic, no being miss goody two-shoes, no hiding anything. I simply write what's on my mind; including what's already in my mind, what pops up and even what's popping in between the two. I guess i'm gonna be doing this quite regularly now, since this mood of writing recklessly only comes when i'm boring. And yes, i might start the journey of a boring saga. Not that my life was so fancy before, it's already boring as it is. But maybe it does gonna be a bit different if i declared that publicly.

Hmmm... Now i wonder how something boring could turn into something differently boring. Oh i rattled too ridiculously that it has stopped raining now. Maybe even the raindrop got bored with me that it wana runaway from me. Huh now i doubt the sun will get bored with me and start disappearing and giving a way to the rain back, or maybe the wind, or maybe the cloud. I don't know.

You see, i can't remember when was the last time i sit inside this rectangular thing with 4 wheels looking out the window wondering when i would reach home. Right, it has been too long that i can't even recall.

Believe me it's true that i prefer mum to fetch me or my sister to fetch me rather than independently start a journey home with a public transportation. I mean who doesn't? Riding with your family in a car, as if it's already home even before reaching home sweet home. Am i wrong?

This decision made was pretty much an imprompted one. Is that the word? Or rather decided without me thinking twice. you can say i'm still in the delusional cloud of suffocated in between lines of lecture notes and textbooks and the mental exhaustion of answering exam papers that made me decide this without much consideration.

And thanks to it, i get to know that the trains are now using token and you need to buy it yourself from the machine. i was dumbfounded for a few seconds when the counter of Chempaka station wrote 'untuk tnGo dan kad rapid sahaja'. -oh great, this means i have to use the machine right? - was what i thought.

As i stood there, there was a boy behind me and he told me he hasn't even once used it too. We both gave a small chuckle simultaneously. Right when was the last time we laugh not because of the humor, but the nervousness? Heard that from him, so i guess he won't complain if i took forever to get the ticket.

The machine is just big as a vending machine, and believe me no matter how i tried to look at it, they both aren't operated the same way. it was too unfamiliar to me, so i identified where the token is vomitted out, where shall i place the coin, or the bill note, where would the change returned. And step by step i went. The token came out and i get my change.

All my way from Chempaka Bandar Tasik Selatan, i can't help the nervousness. That typical reason why; what if i missed the bus, what if the tickets are all sold out. Oh i didn't tell you guys i was planning to buy it on the spot didn't i? And man! Walking alone can never be anymore worrying especially in places you've never been to before. that's right, eversince all buses to southern peninsular moved to Terminal Bersepadu Selatan (TBS) away from Puduraya Terminal , all that while was when i'm comfortably going back fetched by mum. i never been there before. i know i might sound as nervous as a 13 years old hostel girl who first learnt how to ride a bus home from school, but honestly that's how naive i feel despite being 21.

But hey, it wasn't that bad. despite the tachycardia, i stayed relax that even mum turned extra anxious asking what time my bus is, what time i'll get home and what not.

It’s 6 pm now and i'm halfway home. the time i'll be posting this entry and you'll be reading it, means i had properly unpacked my stuff and had a nice long shower, probably with my favourite pajama on and a before-bed-ponytail. ~home sweet home~

eventhough this is our end 5th semester break, it's gonna be just a week holiday. Surprisingly short huh. But at this moment, who cares. This exhausted mental and physique needs to unwind still.

Till then, this is again zawani zainudin being honest

take me home!
Ps: and oh, guess I was too happy being home last night that I can’t get to post this immediately after my ponytail was done lol.


^Laila^ said...

hahaha.. comel la wani ni~~ ;P for sure, boring kn blk sorg2?? rs tachy all the time, but still kena maintain calm.. experienced that always tiap kali blk sorg2.. :p

Zawani Zainudin said...

agak boring la, tapi that's how it always is. i mean, i didn't do that often, tapi everytime i need to it always is :)

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