How much would you go for?

If there’s a device that can help you increase concentration in class or work, keep you from anxiety and stress, how much would you go for?

A few thousand bucks?

If you care for someone that much, how much would you go for?

Grab the car key in the middle of the night to be by their side?

If you love someone so deep, how much would you go for?

Listen to whatever they said?

If you hate people badly, how much would you go for?

Spit straight on their face?

If you can’t stand it anymore, how much would you go for?

Runaway, regardless?

How much would you go for, in everything you do? There’s always a limitation. There’s always a rule to how you respond things. There’s always a manner to how you treat people.

To the ‘victim’, please know your right

To the ‘criminal’, please stop acting like a selfish moron

the victim?

Leave and stay as I wish

Transpoase

Jumping genes in bacteria, that's called transposons. Make it able to jump from one plasmid to another, or even back and forth any parts of chromosamal DNA. Thanks to transpoase they are able cleave the chain of DNA to leave or stay as they wish.

I wish I could have that enzyme, so that I can be comfortable in places I have to live in. At the moment, it pretty much feels like surviving and barely able to be called life. I wish I could have that enzyme to lyse the wall of awkwardness, to fit in beautifully within the environment and blend in well with all its organelles without paying much attention to adaption.

Despite having life mine as a whole, I always had them separated into fragments. Like life in med school, life outside med school, life with colleagues in campus, life with friends outside campus. Without me knowing it costs me my emotions, it consumes some of my personal time as well. Being sentimental when neither atmosphere makes me feel belonged, when I feel like curling into a ball on my bed and don’t want to do anything because I need time for adaptation. These are the cycle I wished to break, but be ready to surprise I never be able to.

Adaptation, some people treat it as a routine. A routine that they can get over with naturally, with the help of friends and people around, for strong-willed ones these things didn’t even bother them for there’s something out there that’s worth worrying about. But not for me, I remember someone said this to me, a very close friend of mine that I think too much. Way too much over small little things. When I started to hear voices around me and I would suspect myself having bipolar disorder, when there are times I would cry for no concrete reason and I started to relate them with what happened in the past. And without me knowing, I had dug my emotion too deep that it’s almost impossible to conceal it back. That friend of mine ended up listening to everything and sometimes even dissolved the meshwork of unnecessary emotions that has piled up and started suffocating me. Or most of the time she will say "you’re thinking too much".

When such times came, I don’t know why I don’t want to stop thinking. I feel like if I were to just let it passed and act like nothing happened it would be too burdenful. As such I am actually ignoring one side of me that’s craving for tears. And that once I cried my eyes off, the heavy heart gets lighter naturally.

The same goes when I think I don’t belong somewhere. When I get back to hostel from a long holidays for instance, that transition period I called ‘adaptation’, instead of treating it as something casual, it has turned into a disease to me. That ends up giving me unnecessary stress. And this answers why I’ll anyhow try to get back to hostel a few days prior. Because I believe it’s always important for me to be mentally prepared with pressure in lectures, that even just glancing at tonnes of notes would give me ghostbumps, that thinking fastforward to the upcoming classes, assignments, presentation, exam gives me extra chill down the spines.

Well back to the issue, can anyone tell how can I have that transpoase or anything that acts the like so that I won’t suffer too much to adapt?

What's lost in life

Asking patients about their medical histories and past diseases is an important job of doctors. The diagnosis and treatment will then be changed according to their replies.

That’s right. Human do that too; no matter when, human are always affected by their past – a painful past, a bitter past, a sad past. Occasionally, there exists human who are able to get rid of their past completely. But in a typical situation, human have to move forward together with their painful past.

‘Why are human unable to forget about their past?’

‘There’s always a limit to what an individual can do’

If we kept getting bothered by our past, we can’t move forward. The days that have passed, will never return. But it is also impossible to eliminate them. The present that you are living in right now, will become a memory tomorrow. In other words, your past provide evidence of your existence. If that’s so, what should we do? If something or someone from our unexpected or unknown past suddenly appears before us, what should we do? Yes, confrontation.

Everybody has the past that they wished to forget, which overtime they would without them even noticing it. After years of agony of course. The time you moved on, is the time when you’re able to confront the past without tears, without fear. Instead you can stand strong and say ‘I have gone thru this and I survived’

In this journey called life, many are lost along the way

Loved ones

Hated ones

Age

Time

Sweat

Money

Even virginity

Be it pre or post-matrimonial

‘Why are human unable to forget about their past?’

‘There’s always a limit to what an individual can do’

But there’s never a limit to what Allah can do.

Ask Him for mercy, ask him for strength.

Wordless Wednesday #1

ps: pathology tutorial is always on thursday