Soul searching

Apart from reading, writing is something I consider very close to me. Buy sadly I can hardly find time for both now. I remember back in high school, back in the old days where entertainment was very limited (I enrolled a boarding school in a small but decent town down south) I would borrow books from our school library back to back every 3 days. I kinda literally read every novels exist in the library, regardless of genre and author. Because with such a limited access to printed materials, you need to make do with whatever you have. But still, I enjoyed every page. I remember screaming along reading the suspense and panicky plot, sob when it comes to farewell and goodbyes or death, laugh hard my tummy hurts for its humour, and even scared to go to the bathroom alone at 3 o'clock in the morning, for what I read really gets into me. I was emotional and so attached to every books I read. Well this was 10 years back we're talking about. I miss those feelings; where we can escape anywhere we want by just reading, we can have wild imaginations without boundaries by just reading. I still do now actually; that when I read, I became too engrossed that I forgot everything else around me. But this feeling does not come too often now. It's multifactorial really. But I couldn't figure exactly what. Maybe because I was too busy that I rarely read, or the beeping smartphone kept bugging me and inhibit me from reaching emotional orgasm, or I was simply lost. I've been losing myself that I am struggling to collect back memories of what used to be me.

Writing, on the other hand, is no doubt very me. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending how you look at things I only write when I'm at my lowest, or when I'm in love (but let's stick to the former). Because I am such a lazy bum to do intellectual writing where you need to do research a lot and be analytical about it before writing about your opinion on stuff. I am more of a soul writer (if that term ever exist) yes I write for the soul. My soul and everybody else whoever feels connected to my pieces. Maybe that's why I don't (or can't) write too often; because these inspiration don't come often. It usually comes at 3 o'clock in the morning (that's already twice 3 o'clock in the same writing) where I usually was already knocked unconscious in my deep sleep. Or when the inspiration came, it's when I have a few hours left before submitting assignments or when I'm on the verge of a very important exams.

Soul searching is a continuous struggle whether you realize it or not. We all might get distracted with our everyday routines, but at one point we will all ponder on the same thing over and over again. Who am I? Who I wanna be? Am I happy doing what I'm doing?

And my soul searching journey continues.
Good luck with yours!