surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness
dear lord embrace me with your blessings


Sunday, July 21, 2013

Retrospective attempt

I remember not long ago I told myself that I would never post anything about my personal life, two years ago to be exact (or three). Instead I would write about mushy melancholic poems, some street masterpiece of whatever that crossed my mind. Lines by lines and pharaghraphs of written thoughts nobody can decode. After years now, I feel like I would change my mind. I need to at least write something about what I do. Well after all, campus life, friends, studies are not quite personal are they?

The only three posts I had on my clinical life were during my Community Health, General Surgery, and Internal Medicine rotations. Afterward I stopped. Don’t talk about time, I would always find sometime if I really wanted to write. More important reason why I don’t update entries further related to my clinical life is because I just don’t feel like it. Everytime I brought myself to hangout longer typing on my keyboard to update the blog, there’s always an unexplained feeling clouding my head. I can’t think straight and I just feel like lying on bed. Nobody’s at fault, it’s just that lately I’m trying hard to cope with my ever stormy emotions; the crying spell, the feeling of worthlessness, the suicidal thoughts, and the helplessness. Ahh well, I’m fine now. Don’t worry.

I’ve officially ended my 4th year and am now having my own sweet time enjoying holidays and celebrating Ramadhan at home. Couple of months ago I had my Obstetrics and Gynecology, Forensic Medicine, Entrepreneurship and General Practice postings. I would love to write about each and every one of them here. But I guess there’s not much memory left in my head. I’ll try though. Let’s walk down the memory lane for a bit.

The truth is, I hate walking down the memory lane. I hate to be reminded of the past. Bitter or sweet, memories are all past tense. And whoever gets too attached to the past will later get entangled by them and strangled until their emotions left suffocated. So yeah, I’m never that good with memories.

But anyway, I shouldn’t get too emotional. I’ll start gathering some flashback and retrospective thoughts of what actually happened a few months ago and I shall write them down. Pictures. There are a lot of pictures to help me remember them all.

I’ll keep those entries coming.

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