The other side

You're like the other side of me.

The part of me no one else ever knew about.

You're the part of me no one ever knew existed.

You're the mysterious part of me.

I even wonder if I'm myself when I'm with you.

Or it's merely just an escape from the other world I'm living.

I wonder if I'm ready to merge the two worlds or just live in either.

I'm not sure if I will ever choose to ditch the world I'm currenty in just to be with you.

I can't even tell if you're for real.

But fair enough to know that you're not a part of fantasy.

I don't really know where do I belong.

Here with everybody else.

Or there with you.

Or do I?

Crawling

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming
Confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling

I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Discomfort
Endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting
Reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection

It's haunting how I can't seem to find myself again

My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

-Crawling, Linkin Park-

Yang Terbaik

Aku bukanlah insan yang terbaik.

Aku bukanlah insan yang terbaik. Namun begitu, selalu aku menginginkan yang terbaik untuk diriku. Kerana aku tahu yang terbaik itu datangnya hanya dariMu.

Aku rindukan seorang sahabat. Sahabat yang bila aku mengadu kesedihan padanya, akan disambut dengan senyuman, dibalas dengan usapan lembut di kepala. Diiringi dengan kata-kata hikmah yang indah.

Ingin sekali aku memiliki sahabat yang akan mengingatkan aku..

“Sayang.. Ujian itu semuanya datang dari Allah. Tentunya Dia Maha Tahu apa yang terbaik buatmu. Kamu tidak perlu gusar dan risau. Dia sentiasa bersama kamu. Kesedihan itu cumanya sementara. Apa kamu lupa dunia ini juga bukan kekal. Nah. Menangislah semahunya jika itu meringankan berat hatimu. Tetapi ingat, jangan pernah berputus asa”

Usai solat bersama, lalu aku pun berbaring di pehanya dan menangis semahunya, namun dia tidak akan mengeluh jika kain telekungnya basah dek air mataku.

Dan sahabat itu tidak akan pernah menilai aku mengikut pandangan dunia semata. Kerana dia tahu manusia tidak pernah akan sempurna. Kerana dia tahu pandangan yang paling mulia adalah pandangan Allah Yang Maha Kuasa.

Walking down the memory lane

Everybody makes mistake. These are the easiest words to say when something goes wrong. Eventhough most would have hard times uttering it, but I believe one won’t say it to be taken lightly. Just like when people say ‘sorry seems to be the hardest word’, no matter how sincerely you meant it, the message is never that easy to reach the other side. To convince, to get yourself trusted again.

Having said this, many still have double standard when going through such situation. They’ll start to bash and punish everybody who made mistakes but when it comes to them, as if they didn’t see it coming they’d simply say ‘people make mistake’ and expect forgiveness right away.

I have been on both sides. The one who made mistake and the victim who suffered after it was all said and done. And neither one has been easy.

But this has taught me one thing

What goes around comes around

I am the type who would admit if I'm wrong. Sincerely as sincerest as I could if that’s what it takes for you to forgive me. On the other hand if you just wanna make myself look stupid begging for you to forgive me and not even intended to do so but you just want that pleasure of seeing my ego gets as low as the ground, let me be the first one to tell you that it’s not going to happen.

Literally I can offer you my apology. But I’ll also let you know that I’m pretty good at giving people what they want without giving them the pleasure of having it.

classic!

Ps: walking down the memory lane was never a good idea